Alisha in Wonderland

Regrets

2011-07-13T11:13:00.004-03:00

Regrets are just a part of life. Whether it is regretting that one night stand you had back in your younger days, fighting with a loved one, or eating that bad ass hamburger with the huge side order of greasy fries, they are there. They will either haunt you, and run you down, or they will make you the type of person you are in this moment.

Regrets used to hold me down. Make me feel like I was drowning in them.

Things like ...

I wish I didn't yell at my parents today.

I feel terrible about yelling at the girls today.

I really wish I didn't buy that, because now I'm broke.

I wish I didn't push my brother into a fence when we were younger.

and the worst one ...

I regret having children.

There. I said it. Not so fast though.

This isn't a constant regret, like the others I have listed. It's not like I am kicking my ass everyday for having kids. It's a "pop and go" one, if you will. On days where they drive me up the wall. On days where I want to pull my hair out, because honestly, that would feel better on the brain then having to deal with the constant fighting, screaming, whining, and crying.

Even though it is not a regret that I have everyday (or even every month), it is enough to drown me with guilt.

How does a good mother feel that way?

How does a good PERSON?

WHY did they end up with ME as a parent?

Recently, I finally sought help for my depression and anxiety. I have been suffering with this since I was 13 years old. 10 years. I am feeling loads better, but will admit, I still don't feel "normal" ... if I even know what that means at this stage in my life.

This help, has made me analyse my life. My daughters. My decisions. My path. It's helped me make better choices.

One of them? Not torturing myself for things I can't control ... and the things I can, but haven't.

I know that I love Clara and Chloe. They are my world. Quite literally. Since I was 18, they have been the air I breathe. I am with them 24/7. I wake up with them, I take care of them, I love them unconditionally.

When there are days where I wish I didn't have them, there are a hundred more days that I am the happiest woman in the world to have had them.

Reboot

2011-06-28T08:40:00.003-03:00

As I reboot my life, I am rebooting this blog.

I am the type of person that NEEDS to have a creative outlet. I WANT to write on here. I've just been a bit preoccupied.

Will post later.

Hey! It's Autism Awareness Month!

2011-04-01T17:58:00.003-03:00

Autism Awareness Month! In the States anyways! haha! In Canada, Autism Awareness month is in October. It doesn't, and shouldn't matter though. Autism is something that should be made aware every single day.

For my household, it is. There is not a day that hasn't gone by that autism hasn't crossed my mind, because, we live with it every single day. For anyone who hasn't visited before, both my daughters are autistic.

They were both diagnosed at 2 1/2, and it has changed our lives. For the better. For the worst.

They were tantruming every single day. Severe tantrums, several times a day. They would scream like they were being physically hurt (which they weren't) and do this for hours sometimes. They were starting to get physically violent towards my husband and I. We were at the end of our rope.

At 2 1/2, they had 10 words each, and didn't have the play skills they should have. We would have NEVER known they were autistic though. From our limited knowledge, we thought they were just going through the terrible twos, and were being especially difficult. We thought their delays were caused by their tramatic, premature birth.

I'm ashamed to say, we put all autistic children and adults in a lump, and believed they were all anti-social, severly delayed people. How could our baby girls, who smile, and laugh, and love people, be autistic?

After some therapists that the girls were seeing (for speech, and fine motor) showed concern, we had them evaluated, and wouldn't you know it, our whole world changed forever. Clara was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Development Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified), and Chloe was diagnosed with classic autism.

They started therapy a few months later. It has changed everything. You wouldn't know they were the same girls. The ASW's (Autism Support Workers) and their clinical supervisor have made this process remarkably easy and have turned our girls around. They are learning, very fast. They are talking 2-3 word sentences, and mimicking Ryan and me. They are learning academic things, like the alphabet, and rarely tantrum. They are not physcially violent anymore (except maybe when they have a sibling scabble), and they know how to act around people appropriatly now.

People don't know they are autistic unless I tell them. This diagnosis saved our lives.

Before, I said that autism changed us for the worst as well.

When you have children, you can't help but think about their futures. I dreamed of how happy I would be at all their milestones, and sending them off to school. I thought of all the experiences I loved in school, and how much they would love them too. I thought about them growing up, and having their first crushes, and their first kisses and boyfriends. Their graduation, and them going to college. Husbands and grandchildren.

When they were diagnosed, I thought of that lump I molded all autistic people in. I thought their lives were over.

Which brings me back to how it has made our lives better. We now have hope. We KNOW that autism won't end those dreams. Will it make it harder? For sure. But thanks to amazing intervention, and patient, outstanding people, there is hope for the kids, and for the families.

Here are some facts about Autism:

Autism is a neurological disorder that affects functioning in the brain.

It is 4 times more prevalant in boys!

Autism is a spectrum disorder

Every person who is autistic is different from the other.

There are treatments for autism, but there is no cure.

There are many theories to what causes autism, but no one knows for sure.

There are many myths related to autism. Like, autistic people are completly anti social, and cold. Or that they never marry, or get jobs. Every person with autism is different, and autistic people DO feel, and love, and get married and have jobs.

People with autism are some of the most forthright, non-judgemental and passionate people out there.

1 in 100 kids are diagnosed with autism.

Early intervention is key!

through this month, I will be posting about Autism, and our lives living with it!

The Natural Diet

2011-03-30T17:31:00.005-03:00

A natural diet has been something I've wanted to do with my family for a LONG time now. I know it's healthier. I understand all the benefits of preparing at home meals, with little processed food. I also have weighed that against the bad things about it. It's time consuming, and it can be expensive to start up. In the end, it is cheaper ... but to get the things you need can be expensive.

I have a couple of friends who do this, and seem to love it. I've attempted this before, but, got pretty lazy (of course). So I am making baby steps. Right now, I am attempting grains.

Something a lot of people don't think about is the bread they buy in the store. That loaf of bread, can last up to a week in your cupboard. How long was it sitting in the store before you picked it up? How long has it been since it was made in the factory? Companies have done a damn fine job creating a bread product that doesn't mold or go dry for a long time. It may have done our wallets better, after all, it's not hard to go through that loaf before it goes bad. Not so much for our bodies. Store bought bread is just a bunch of compounds mushed together now.

How do we know that these chemicals aren't causing the very diseases that we do not yet know the cause or cure for?

I won't lie. I totally love store bought bread. I buy 100% whole wheat, processed bread. The texture is great. It's soft. The taste is pretty good. BUT ... homemade tastes better. WAY better!

It is time consuming. Buying the ingredients for the first time can be a bit daunting and expensive. If you have never made bread, it WILL take a few tries to get it right. It will happen though. If you don't want to, or don't have time to bake your own bread, there are options!

Go to a bakery. Not the one in your grocery store either. They are sent bags to mix with milk or water, and that's it (although it is better then store bought). Go to a real bakery that has their own recipes.

Go to the market! Farmers markets are GREAT for homemade, natural products! They are often cheaper too!

Sound Decision

2011-03-28T19:47:00.004-03:00

After weeks of literally pulling my hair out, we have finally made a decision.

Our babies will be attending school in the fall.

We didn't make this decision lightly. We constantly went back and forth. Will they be ready for such a BIG thing that school is? Will they love it, or hate it? Will they get behind, and not do well? Will they be constantly monitered, and supported? After voicing my concerns, I had a meeting with the girls CS and we talked about the school process. We had a big meeting with the school board last week, discussing the girls needs. If they get it, I will be completly confident with sending them to school ... if not ... I will bus my kids to and from across the city every morning to get my girls in a school who can afford it, and have the space for it.

I know they will love school. They love preschool, and I am told by their ASW's and their teacher that they are wonderful, behaved, polite little girls. They get so excited about seeing their little friends, and they count "sleeps" till they get to go to school again. I will update again this week. The girls recently went through a LAP assessment, and we got the results a few days ago. Ryan and me predicted the results before it came, but a couple surprised us, for the better! Plus ... pictures!

It just keeps going ...

2011-03-22T15:58:00.004-03:00

It's been 2 years since we recieved the diagnosis of Autism for both of our daughters.

2 years, and it's JUST hit me. My babies are autistic.

I won't lie. I went through some dark days.

We are currently in meetings and discussions about school. My babies are going to school! There was a time that I was excited about the prospect of them going to school. I loved elementry school! Especially Kindergarden.

Now instead of excited, I am scared.

Scared that they will not succeed. Scared the school won't agree to them having a full time TA. Scared that they will be teased for being quirky. Just plain scared.

Don't get me wrong ... autism doesn't conquer us. We conquer it.

The girls have been making AMAZING strides! The school ... I don't know if they will notice that.

They haven't seen the difference. They don't know that just a little over a year ago, they didn't talk more then 10 words. They don't know about the hours of crying, and the screaming, and the harm that they did to themselves and me during this tantrums. They don't know that it is BECAUSE of intervention, that people no longer can see AUTISIM written on their foreheads.

Let's just keep our fingers crossed that they give us what we need. Give the girls qualified, autism trained teachers assistants, and Ryan and me some peace of mind.

We need it.

New Look, new Dynamic!

2011-03-18T13:08:00.003-03:00

Hey everyone,

I hope you enjoyed the pictures!

So, I updated the look, and feel of this blog. One of the things that drove me bonkers was that it felt really disorganized. I was posting about my weight, charities, my family, different things, and I feel I lost focas.

This blog will be primarily for my family updates, autism, and I will still mention charities on here.

I've prettied it up a bit, and above there are links to different sections of the blog.

Simply Me is a blog for myself. Just me and my thoughts and issues. I haven't posted on it yet, but plan to today at some point. I feel I should keep my opinions and problems and thoughts seperate from my families accomplishments, so if you want to check it out, go ahead! :)

There is Family Goals, which are things I want to accomplish as a family.

There is Canuck Event Planning, which is my, hopefully, soon to be buisness once I get certified.

Will be posting an update on the family very soon! See ya!

Finally! The rest of the holiday pictures!

2011-03-15T13:47:00.010-03:00

BLOGGER FINALLY let me upload my pictures from the holidays without trouble! Woot! They are in reverse order, of course. *eyeroll*

Chloe and Clara before their first day of preschool (Chloe is sulking. lol)

Chloe enjoying the benefits of Grammie's recliner

Chloe and Clara laughing at ... something. lol.
Chloe showing off her new snowboots.

Clara giving Newman some love.

Clara and Chloe at Grammie's house

My handsome husband! :)

The girls opening gifts at Grammie and Grampy's

Clara Christmas night

The girls looking at what's left to open admist the destruction that is Christmas morning with kids.

I changed some things here. This blog will now strictly be about the girls, Ryan and me as a family. I will have a blog just for me, and my ramblings, soon! :) Hope you enjoyed the pics! I have more to upload (more recent then Christmas!)

Something I Have to Forgive Someone For

2011-01-30T20:53:00.005-04:00

I have to forgivc the kids for this ...

These pictures come from the bedroom walls of yours truly.

The List
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Something I Have to Forgive Myself For

2011-01-26T12:52:00.000-04:00

There are many things I have to forgive myself for.

Doesn't everyone?

I feel guilty all the time. It's second nature. An old post I wrote about guilt still really gets to me sometimes.

I know I need to forgive myself for my impatience. I may snap at my girls, get frustrated easily, and not the type of parent that sits down with my kids to play, but I am told all the time I am a good parent. Yet I never believe it.

It's because of my guilt, and I never just swallow it, and forgive myself.

The girls come first. Always. No matter how tough things get, the girls have always, and will always have food in their bellys, a roof over their head, clothes on their backs, and a kiss and a hug whenever they need them. They get things that other kids are not lucky enough to have, like enough toys to fill a classroom, and parents that, although, have many shortfalls, support them through the grueling therapy they go through (and have excelled at) everyday. They get the oppurtunity to go to a Pre-Kindergarden program that we have put every cent extra into paying for every month so they have an extra leg up.

Yesterday, the girls pediatrician, that has made me feel TERRIBLE in the past for the girls delayed, told Ryan and me that we are great parents. It actually made me swell with pride.

But I beat myself up. They should have a house, not a crappy apartment. They should have brand name clothes, not the cheap ones we buy them. They should have parents with steady jobs, that don't have to worry about a budget so they can be involved in a group or class that costs money.

I know I should forgive myself for this.

I read an old post about mommy guilt, and the guilt that ate away from me. For a long time I blamed myself for the girls preterm labor. I went into a serious post partum depression because of this guilt.

Every needle.
Every poke and prod from the nurses and doctor.
Every germ that they breathed in that could potentially end their lives.

It dug me deeper and deeper into a hole that I couldn't forgive myself for. My weak body just couldn't hold them in any longer, and I hated myself for it.

I beat myself up when I learned of Chloe's heart murmur, and the surgery she would eventually have to endure to have it corrected.

Every cry she bellowed out before echoes, and after surgery, I wanted to rip my hair out.

The day I sat in the psychologists office, learning that not just 1, but both my daughters were autistic ... that brought on a guilt that still knocks the breath out of me some days. To know that they will have learning problems, and issues interacting socially ...

The logical, and sane part of me KNOWS that I didn't purposely go into labor early. That I didn't cause the heart murmur, or the autism ...

I don't know if I have forgiven myself yet. I know I should though. I'm working on it.

The List
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

30 Day Challenge: Something I love about Myself

2011-01-25T12:00:00.001-04:00

This is a lot harder then writing about the things I hate about myself. Mostly because I am a pretty critical person when it comes to myself, and get out of that mind set is hard for me.

I won't lie, I was going to write a post about loving my boobs. But really, that is a subject that might make your brain hurt.

Then I thought, people compliment me on my eyes all the time. Why not those? Well ... what could I do? Post a picture of an eye. That's boring and a little creepy (fyi, I have a phobia of big eyes. haha)

So I laid in bed last night and thought about what about me do I love about myself.

Well, I love that I invest myself into hobbies. I try to fulfull my time in different ways that I enjoy.

I do like to write, and have quite a few poems stashed away for future reference (FYI, never read poems you wrote in high school. It will send you into hysterics) And I do love to read. If I really like something, I will reread those books ... obsessivly actually. It's a problem. I've read the Twilight books at least 10 times. No joke. I have read the Sookie Stackhouse series a few times (maybe 5 ...) and I get uber excited knowing that the next book and the companion book is coming out soon. EEEEE! I am currently reading "Helmet for my Pillow" by Robert Leckie, a memoir of World War II that is pretty interesting.

I love to scrapbook, but haven't done it in years. Mostly due to it being expensive. It is something I do plan to get into again, and I have a TON of stuff to scrapbook. Not only the girls lives (I stopped around 18 months) but Ryan and me and our wedding.

I like to draw, and paint, and I haven't done it in a long time. A very long time.

I am currently dabbling in some projects that interests me. I am considering trying my hand at writing and illistrating a childrens book. I want to make homemade items and sell them on etsy (I actually already have a store with 1 item). I am currently selling Avon, which I enjoy doing ... but am having trouble getting customers. (above there is link to see more information of my Avon buisness) and I am considering making homemade items to help parents teach the basics before they start school, and to help them from beyond. I am have done some research, and observed my daughters therapy that I think I could make it work. Maybe in the future.

I love that I can cook. I am a really, really good cook. I love to try new things, and not to brag, but I am usually successful the first time. I am dabbling in cake decorating. My first one wasn't terrible, and I have some sketches that I would like to do (and I will post pictures!)

Anyways, that is what I thought of. Not much, but it's better then skipping this post altogether, which I seriously considered.

The List
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

A small-ish update

2011-01-24T00:16:00.013-04:00

First of all, go here. Like, go HERE now. Or you know, click HERE RIGHT NOW!

Read the post, then head over to Team Tuesdays page on St. Baldrick's. St. Baldricks raises millions of dollars for pediatric cancer. Donate your money, or your hair to a wonderful, meaningful, and very important cause.

As my friend Jess said in her post: "It doesn't only happen to other people's kids. Trust me."

After doing all that, (and I will leave the link on my sidebar to remind you!) check out some more pictures that blogger so rudely took forever and more to download the other day. :)

Chloe, and then Clara on Christmas Eve ... with that darn scratch on her nose and a slightly messy face from cookies. :)

My first attempt at cake decorating with fondant. It's not THAT bad ... :P

The girls waiting for daddy on their first day of Junior Kindergarden. As you can tell, Chloe is a little nervous.

Can you tell these pics didn't upload in order? haha. Clara and Chloe at Grammie Laura's place celebrating a late Christmas.

Clara, Grammie Laura, and Chloe. :)

Chloe and Clara laughing at the dog.

Chloe showing off her new Dora snowboots from Grammie Laura.

Clara and Chloe amused by the dog.

Clara showing off her new PJ's on Christmas night.

The girls (Chloe and Clara) getting ready to open their first gifts from Santa!

More to come ...

My Song of the moment ... the REALLY strong contender for Ry and mine's first dance song at our wedding ...

30 Day Blogging Challenge

2011-01-21T12:36:00.006-04:00

So, while stumbling through some blogs a couple fo months back, I came across this 30 day blogging challenge. And I thought, that kinda sounds like fun.

After all, I kinda suck at blogging. Keeping up with it can be a pain, because, honestly, what do I write about every stinking day. Other then pee, and poop, and the silly things kids say.

So here are the challenges for 30 days worth of blogging. I would like to credit who I got this from, but I honestly can't remember.

The List
Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Now I won't do this EVERY SINGLE DAY! Honestly, I would like to restart Mama Kat's Writers Workshop (a lot like this, except every week), and do posts on the kids and what not. :) But here is goes ... my first challenge.

SOMETHING I HATE ABOUT MYSELF

Really now? Like this is an easy one to start with! There are several things to pick from (and I understand that this isn't a good thing ... ). So I am thinking ... I'll choose something physical, and something about who I am that drives me nuts.

Physically, it's the obvious thing ... my weight. I used to be skinny. And even then, I thought of myself as fat. But when I look back ... I was able to wear cute shirts, and a bathing suit without looking like the beached whale that ate an entire human civilization for breakfast.

Then I met my husband Ryan. And it all went downhill from there.

I shouldn't say that. My life opened up in amazing ways that still astounds me 5 years later, and that I often need to remind myself when I think about punching him in the face. But Ryan ... well .. he isn't the most healthiest of eaters. But he doesn't seem to gain weight from it (of course!)

In my first 6 months with him, I gained 20lbs. He introduced me to wonderful foods like hashbrown casserole, and donairs. I introduced him to many restaurants. A LOT of restaurants. But even 20lbs heavier, I didn't look horrible. Pleasently plump maybe.

The next 6 months, well, I was knocked up, and craved these AWESOME things calls Big Macs, and kit kat bars. Oh, and 2 litres of milk everyday. 2% milk at that.

I gained 65lbs in my 6 months of pregnancy. I lost a mere 5lbs after the birth.

2 months in the NICU, never being home, living off fast food and chocolate, and dealing with some severe depression from not being able to take my babies home ... another 25lbs.

Since then of having NO EXCUSE, just lack of motivation, energy, and having plenty heapfuls of anything greasy and sugary ... add another 50lbs.

Add that all up, and last week I weight 274 lbs. My heaviest. And I feel terrible. About myself. Within myself. I feel like I am 80. It hurts to walk long distances. Stairs kill me. I have NO energy.

Let's not forget to add that my ass is so big that the world is in danger of it creating some sort of gravitational force that could ruin their lives forever.

I need to lose over 100 lbs, something I didn't think I would ever have to do, and now is the time to do it, when I am still young.

And no matter how much Ryan says he loves me, and still thinks I am sexy, (thank you Yogi Bear!) I will never feel that way till I am looking how I was when I first met him. I want to be considered Ryan's hot wife. Weird, but true.

Now to criticize my very being ... I hate, hate, hate how impatient I am. I've always been impatient. I have always hated being late for things, and how slow other people can be at getting something done ... which is funny, because when it comes to chores, I'll get it done a week after I probably should have ...

BUT aside from the impatience of minor things like being on time, and other people being on time for me, I hate that I am impatient with my kids and husband.

Frankly, I am not the type of mother who can play with my kids for an hour. 10 minutes, and I can't do it anymore. It's not that I don't love them ... I just have trouble sitting there doing something I don't find interesting. BUT, then I miss those moments ... the ones where my kids MASTERED something, and the excitement of learning something new ... and I find out about it when it's just something they do every day. That breaks my heart.

A year ago, my kids couldn't talk. And now that's all they do. Like me, they NEVER shut up. And after hours of the chatter, I do get impatient with them. When they repeat things a million times ... And the guilt eats me up.

Everytime I snap at them when I should have stayed calm and gave them a time out, instead of yell ... well, I feel guilty a lot of the time. and sometimes, I have that thought ...

That I wasn't meant to be a mom.

And when I think of that, I cry. A lot. At night, when I am alone, I cry, because I had THAT thought, and then cry because I KNOW, with all of my being, that I WAS meant for this, because, I could NOT live my life without them.

The guilt never quite goes away though.

SONG OF THE MOMENT ....

Avon by Alisha Gift Packages

2011-01-20T17:19:00.001-04:00

Avon by Alisha Gift Packages
Campaigns 4 (ENDS FEB 1st)

Not sure what to get for a loved one for a birthday gift? What about anniversary? Are you getting married, and want to give your wedding party something extra special and useful? Here is a great gift guide. If you don't like the packages made here, check out the ongoing campaign and get back to me! Taxes and .70 surcharge is NOT included in price.

ALL PACKAGES HAVE A COMPLIMENTRY BASKET FILLED WITH TISSUE PAPER!

For birthday, or bridesmaid
AVON NATURALS PACKAGE (different scents include Banana and Coconut, Cherry Blossom, Pomegranite and Mango, Cucumber and Melon, Violet and Lychee, Strawberry and Guava, and Vanilla)
Body Wash, Body Lotion, and Body Mist

Reg. Price 30.00
ON SALE 9.99
For birthday, or bridesmaid
FOOT PACKAGE
Marine salt invigorating scrub, hydrating balm, and a 4 in 1 foot file.
Reg. Price 25.98
ON SALE 9.99
For birthday, or bridesmaid
HAIR PACKAGE
Shampoo, conditioner, root blasting tonic, and volumizing spray gel all meant to boosts the volume in lifeless, and flat hair.
Reg. Price 35.96
ON SALE 15.98
For birthday, or bridesmaid
SKIN PACKAGE
Moisture Therapy's soothing oatmeal creamy body wash, soothing oatmeal body lotion, and soothing oatmeal hand cream
Reg. Price 25.97
ON SALE 9.99
For birthday, or bridesmaid
COSMETICS PACKAGE
Your choice color of Nailwear Pro Nail Enamel, Your choice in color of Glazewear Lip Gloss, your choice in shade of Healthy Makeup Cream to powder foundation (with SPF 15), your choice of shade of smooth minerals blush, your choice of color of true color eyeshadow quad, your choice in color for Glimmersticks waterproof eye liner, Wash off waterproof mascara (black or brown), and moisture effective eye makeup remover lotion.
Reg. Price 70.43
ON SALE 41.93
For birthday, anniversary or bridesmaid
JEWELERY PACKAGE
Birthstone Necklace and Earring Set (*perfect for flowergirls!)
Reg. Price 34.98
ON SALE 10.00
Moon Shimmer Collection, necklace, earrings, and ring (blue or white)
Reg. Price 34.98
ON SALE 24.98
FACIAL PACKAGE
Anew Platinum Skin Care for women ages 60+ (cleanser, serum, night cream, day cream)
Reg. Price 129.50
ON SALE 125.00
Anew Ultimate Skin Care for women ages 50+ (cleanser, emulsion, night cream, day cream)
Reg. Price 127.00
ON SALE 117.00
Anew Reversalist Skin Care for women ages 40+ (cleanser, eye system, emulsion, day cream)
Reg. Price 118.00
ON SALE 102.00
Anew Rejuvenate Skin Care for women ages 30+ (cleanser, night cream, emulsion, day cream)
Reg. Price 112.00
ON SALE 102.00
Clearskin Professional Acne Treatment System (cleanser, toner pads, and correcting lotion)
Reg. Price 35.00
ON SALE 29.95
For birthday, or bridesmaid
MINERAL PACKAGE
Your choice of shade of smooth minerals powder foundation, your choice of shade of smooth minerals eyeshadow, your shade of smooth minerals blush, your choice of color for smooth minerals lip gloss (with spf 15)
Reg. Price 42.96
ON SALE 27.96
For birthday, anniversary or bridesmaid
FRAGRANCE PACKAGE
Avon Sweet Honesty Pkg. (Perfume, deodorant, skin softner, and body powder)
Reg. Price 33.99
ON SALE 12.99
Avon Odyssey Pkg. (Perfume, deodorant, skin softner, and body powder)
Reg. Price 33.99
ON SALE 12.99
Reese Witherspoon's In Bloom Pkg. (perfume, lotion, shower gel, and body mist)
Reg. Price 95.00
ON SALE 70.00
For birthday, anniversary, or groomsmen
THE MAN PACKAGE
Mesmerize Cologne, after shave, and hair and body wash
Reg. Price 45.99
ON SALE 22.97
NHL Original Six Coaster set and NHL frosted glass
Reg. Price 26.98
For birthday, anniversary, or bridesmaid
THE ULTIMATE PACKAGE
Moisture Therapy's soothing oatmeal creamy body wash, soothing oatmeal body lotion, and soothing oatmeal hand cream. Marine salt invigorating scrub, hydrating balm, and a 4 in 1 foot file for feet. Shampoo, conditioner, root blasting tonic, and volumizing spray gel all meant to boosts the volume in lifeless, and flat hair. Your choice color of Nailwear Pro Nail Enamel, Your choice in color of Glazewear Lip Gloss, your choice in shade of Healthy Makeup Cream to powder foundation (with SPF 15), your choice of shade of smooth minerals blush, your choice of color of true color eyeshadow quad, your choice in color for Glimmersticks waterproof eye liner, Wash off waterproof mascara (black or brown), and moisture effective eye makeup remover lotion. Birthstone Necklace and Earring Set. Clearskin Professional Acne Treatment System. Reese Witherspoon's In Bloom Pkg.
Add a BIG IMPACT BAG endorsed by Twilight's Ashley Greene

Reg. Price 353.32 (with bag $393.32)
ON SALE 187.84 (with bag $227.84)

A new job, and some pictures!

2011-01-19T12:18:00.008-04:00

So, one of my new year goals was to get a part time job. And I got one, at home, which is ideal.

Problem is, I am having trouble not spending money to buy the products myself. :D

I'm selling Avon now, and I have to say, I have always loved their products, so I have no problem selling them for myself. I LOVE having things organized, and one thing that has always stumped me when it comes to organized is the dreaded stuffed animals.

It's the go to gift for all kids, and my kids have a million of them. So many of them that I am sure that if I went to war with them, I would lose.

Then I saw this certain item in the new Avon campaign, and I can't stop thinking about it. I want it. BAD.

A solution to the stuffed animal problem! A parents DREAM!

A Frog Storage Bin. A big, ol soft frog, that you stuff as many stuffed animals in. No clutter! And it's super cute and cheap!!!!!!!

It's 24.99, plus tax (my provincial tax) and a .70 cent surcharge (29.03) ... so if you would like to be my very first avon customer, check out the e-brochures above and use the handy order request form above, and I'll get back to you.

Like my advertising? haha. BUT, I really do want this! Ryan is kind of holding me at bay though. Says I should do some selling first. :)

And as promised, here are some newer pictures. I have some pictures to post from my old camera as well, if I ever find it again that were taken before these, so enjoy!

The girls in the second snow fall of the year. Chloe's famous pout. haha.

The girls in playing dress up

And thats all blogger will let me upload apparently! Will try again tomorrow!

New Year Resolutions

2011-01-10T12:06:00.002-04:00

Every year, I make these silly things called resolutions. And they never work out. All this stuff about a new year, a new year, does it ever really work?

Rarely.

So this year, I didn't make New Year resolutions. I did, however, make a list of things I want to start on my 23rd birthday, and have accomplished by the time I turn 24.

Yeah, it's much the same thing, except these are things I need to do this year, or really need to step up on.

And you will be the judges.

What I have done, is composed "categories" for each of these goalsm which will be listed below. I will update every month, on the 8th (because my birthday is on the 8th), to see how I am doing with EACH goal. I hope, by the 24th, I will have completed them all, or at least continually working on them. So here they are.

If you have any suggestions or advice to help me this year, comment!

Health My goal is to lose 50 lbs by the time I turn 24. I actually need to lose 140lbs (eek!), but 50 lbs is manageable, and healthy for a year time span, and seems more reachable in a years time. I need to do this. I have watched many of my family die, or almost die, from complications of obesity, and heart disease. Cancer. Diabetes. I don't want my children and husband without a mom and wife. I don't want to feel and look this way anymore.

Family Get my girls ready for school. This is actually a lot easier said then done. As they are both autistic, they have obvious learning curves, so I kind of have to be on my toes all the time with this one. The girls school (which yes, as parents, we have already visitied with twice learning prep work for our girls) has given us literally hundreds of papers to read through (which I did in 1 day, woot!) to help prepare the girls. A lot of their therapy and preschool is meant to prepare them, but there are many things that they need to be taught.

Education Finish school before I turn 24. I have yet to graduate from high school ... and I want to for several reasons. I want my kids to have 2 parents who graduated. I want my parents to be proud to say that I finished school. I want to continue my education and get a good job. This is something that I need to do, not only for me, but my family.

Financial Have at least $500 set aside for a down deposit on a house. I know $500 isn't much, but as a mom who doesn't work, $500 is a lot, and Ryan's income usually goes to bills and household things. I don't have any savings at this point, and damn it, I need to get out of apartments. They are too small for a family of 4, let alone 5, and in the future, we do want another child.

Good of the Planet To start recycling. I do believe in global warming, and sadly, I do not recycle. Everytime I throw something that can be recycled out, it bothers me, because I know that it is going to be dumped right into the ground. It's not so easy to recycle in an apartment, but I'm going to make my best effort.

Good of the People Do at least 3 things for charity. Whether it being donating, or actually participating in an event, this will make me feel good.

Love Take Dr. Oz's advice - Hug at least twice a day, hold hands once a week, and never go to bed angry. Ryan and me are actually better married then we ever were dating, and I want to keep that up.

Organization Just simple ... keep things tidy. I tend to have things tidy in the morning, and then it looks like a tornado swept through, and at night, I am left with hours of cleaning. If I did it throughout the day, my evenings would be free.

Purchase I want to purchase something "big" this year to make living a little easier for us ... and Ryan and me agree that a new cough and loveseat will be our next big purchase. We have an old, beat up couch now, that is heavily stained from the joys of having kids, so something leather, or easily cleaned is in order.

Work Get a part time job. I don't know what this is yet. I would love to do something home based, like watch kids afterschool or something, because it is important to me to be home with the girls, but I would like the extra income, even if it's small.

Personal Read and write more. Which means, read more books, and write on here a bit more. I love to read, I just have issues with finding material I want to read. As for writing, it feels good to get out there and vent a little sometimes.

So there you have it. On the 8th of next month, I will update these and see where I am. :)

GIVEAWAY!

2010-11-26T19:29:00.003-04:00

Hey Everyone!

I have a giveaway to offer! The best part, there is no shipping, or waiting to see if you got it. If you win it, I'll shoot you over an email, with a one time credit of $10 USD to ...

Shutterfly!!! I know I have a lot of friends who use it, and it's PERFECT for the holidays! So planning on using shutterfly for your Christmas cards this year? Or perhaps a photo gift? Well, this is what you have to do to win this handy little giveaway ...

Please, in each entry, leave an email address. If you do not leave an email address, you will not be selected to win.

Follow my blog - 1 entry
Go to Whatchagonnado.org, and to prove you did, comment with the name of a featured child, or a childhood cancer fact that is on their site. - 2 entries
Join the Whatchagonnado Facebook page, and leave your name in the comment so I can check to see if you joined or not - 1 entry
Follow Whatchagonnado on Twitter, and leave your twitter username in the comment so I can check to see if you joined or not - 1 entry
Twitter about this giveaway, with a link to the blog, and leave your username in the comment so I can double check! - 1 entry
just for fun, give me a 4 lined rhyme on snowmen poop. Come on! Be creative, and give me a laugh! - 2 entries

Drawing date will be November 30th, 2010! I will email the winner the code, where they will be able to enter it at www.shutterfly.com/cherryhillphoto and can be applied at the checkout at whatever you wish to purchase. It must be used towards something $10 or more.

Okay, have fun!!!

The day we made it official

2010-11-15T21:21:00.005-04:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I started this blog a couple of years ago, and back then, I labelled it "The Eadles". While it was a goal of our's to tie the knot, it wasn't official. Me and the girls were Scott's, and Ryan was the Eadle. We lived as a family though.

A few months back, we grieved a loss in the family (Ryan's stepdad Rick passed away). In August, after talking about it, we decided to get married. Life is too short, and we have been together, and living together, for 5 years, and we have 2 kids. It's time. We wanted to have it in October when Ryan's brother was in town. After some clashing of dates, it wasn't going to happen, so we decided to go ahead and set the date for October 30th, and sadly, not have his brother there.

Which left 2 months to throw together a wedding.

Now, in our defense, we DID plan on having a 20 person ceremony. Our parents, grandparents, and siblings, and of course, our girls. I was going to wear a simple sundress, and we were going to hire a lawyer to marry us in the city park, then we would all go to a restaurant and celebrate. That was the plan.

Then I found the dress. Oh the dress. We budgeted $500 for our super small ceremony, and I was thinking, hey, I might find a clearenced dress at a bridal shop for a bridesmaid or something ...

Boy did I ever.

An a-line, strapless, beaded white wedding gown clearenced from $900 to $99. To fit my fat butt into it, $60 for alterations.

After much shopping, and planning, and ideas ... our $500 budget got blown out of the water by thousands and we had many more guests invited.

The dress led us to the lodge by the lake, the lodge led us to having a full meal served, the meal led to the speeches we wanted to avoid, and then, to Ryan's horror, a dance was thrown in, and the garter toss.

The day was ... I don't know. I woke up early in the morning with my kids on my parents couch. The house was full of tension. My maid of honor came to pick me up so we can start our day of beautification. With a pang in my heart, I left the girls behind with my parents, to get my hair done.

That was a long, and sometimes painful process, and I am fairly sure she screwed the veil into my head.

We rushed to get our make up done. I wasn't overly crazy with the job done for the price I paid, but I think looking back I looked great, and I was just too nervous to appreciate it.

My MOH and me ran to the grocery store and bough 14 bottles of sparkling apple cidar (Ryan and me chose to have an alcohol free reception, because I don't like drinking around the kids), and then we ran to the lodge to get ready.

I'm not going to lie, getting into the dress was a painful and humiliating ordeal, because, just like with EVERY piece of clothing I own, my boobs are just too big. I had to choose between major cleavage, or some dress issues. Well, no one knew how to tie the dress up, so in the end, I had dress issues anyways. *sigh* And you can tell in some of the picture, which depresses me more.

The girls and my parents were late. Very late. The ceremony was suppossed to start at 4pm, and it was 4:20 before they showed up. We quickly got the girls dressed and then rushed upstairs to start the ceremony.

I'm not going to lie. I almost passed out. The nerves were making me shake insanely, and I could barely smile because to be in front of all those people made me really nervous.

But I got down that aisle.

Seeing Ryan ... Seeing him in his suit, with a big smile on his face ... it calmed me. I know, it's cheesy to say, and if I heard it before from someone else I would have gagged, but for me, it was true.

Our ceremony was short and sweet, performed by a nice lawyer. We kissed, we signed our marriage license, and it was done.

Mr. and Mrs. Ryan and Alisha Eadle.

We endured an hour in the FREEZING cold ... seriously, it was below 0, next to a lake, in the wind, for pictures. Ryan's nickname for me (the ice queen***) rang true.

We went back up for our reception. The food was AMAZING! My nanny, great aunt, mom and a family friend made an amazing meal of mashed potatoes, squash, dressing and turkey, and peas and carrots with gravy, and coleslaw. On the tables there were homemade pickles, beets, and roles. It. Was. So. Good. I am hungry thinking about it now.

Everyone had a choice of dessert: apple pie or pumpkin pie with vanilla ice cream, apple crumble with vanilla ice cream, or blueberry or cherry cheesecake. mmmmmmmm!

Then the cake cutting. I warned him not to mash it too hard and ruin my expensive makeup. So we were gentle with each other. Then my friend mentioned there wasn't enough mash for her, so when Ryan wasn't looking, I mashed more in his mouth ... and on his suit. Oops. :P

Then the speeches. The speeches were very touching, and Ryan ended it on a good note, with his unprepared rambling, and ending it by saying "Go Leafs!" ... only in a Canadian wedding, I swear.

Then the dance. Ryan and me talked about how embarrassed we were, and talked about how cute the girls were (who were dancing right along with us). Father daughter dance was okay, but the girls totally kicked Ryan out of their dance together, and the mother son dance was nice. We played some more music. I threw a bouquet (where my friend who said she was running away from the bouquet caught it), Ryan went up my dress to get a garter with his teeth to the Stripper song. haha. I loved it. Our friends boyfriend caught it, and thoughtfully left it by the guestbook so we could keep it.

We played some more music, and then everyone left. It was only 9pm, but we were exhausted, and didn't want a long wedding. We dropped his brother and best man off at his place (where we had our normal conversations about politics, and life, like we didn't just get married) and then went back home.

In an effort to be modest, we did the usual wedding night stuff, and then cuddled on the couch and watched How I Met Your Mother, and opened gifts together. :)

Oh, and our honeymoon?

Well, lets just say we spent it with Blue (Clara) and Cheerbear (Chloe) and went hunting for some candy in the freezing cold. :)

Rememberance Day

2010-11-11T10:55:00.005-04:00

I remember being a kid, and every year at school, Rememberance was a big thing. Every student would get a poppy to put on their shirts, and to take home. Every year, we had a ceremony, where every student and teacher sat in the gym, and listened to veterns, dedications, and to this day, I still remember the quiet. The tears. The room was filled with the heaviness of despair, and respect.

Teachers explained to us every year, the many men and women sacrificed their lives, and their minds, the'r entire existance, to make sure that we could sit in the classroom that we were in, and learn. To better our own lives. They sacrificed so that we could go home, and feel safe. That we could grow up with our families, and be happy.

This one day, far too less, is a day that we are reminded of this. I can't wait for the year to be able to explain to my kids (and for them to understand), the respect, dedication, courage, and love these people had, and have for our country, and we should show them our respect as well.

As a child, this poem was read every year. And to this day it still effects me. The video below is one of Canada's Heritage Moments commercials (I love these ...) of the poem:

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders fields the poppies blow,

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky ...

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie;
In Flanders fields
-Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

It's been a long while ...

2010-10-16T19:55:00.005-03:00

These are some pics from this summer. My camera is once again broken ... so I am sorry there are no recent pics! Hopefully I can get 4th birthday pics soon! Clara
Clara giraffe, Chloe leopard

Chloe and Clara

Clara

Clara and Chloe

Grampy Jim, Chloe and Clara

Clara and Chloe

Chloe playing shy leopard

Grammie Bonnie, Chloe and Clara

Clara eating ice cream

Clara playing leopard

Chloe waiting for ice cream.

My princesses (Clara and Chloe)

And the winner is ...

2010-05-09T11:29:00.002-03:00

AND THE WINNER IS ... and don't make fun of the pictures. In all fairness, I had just woken up. :)

Chloe had to join in on the fun!

JulieBouf, you have won the WillowTree Statue. Send me over an email, and I will send it over today. :)

2010-05-02T11:00:00.006-03:00

The Tuesday Blog Party has begun.
Whatchagonnado?
Be a part of it and help us make a difference.
Please.
For Tuesday.
For the Whitts.
For all of the children fighting cancer and winning.
And especially for the ones who aren't. (Thanks Deb for this beautiful post!)

For Auction

Willow Tree Statue "Angel of Hope - Sharing the Light of Hope and Courage."

Not exactly as shown above. The one I have is bigger, and does not hang. It is simply something you can put on a shelf. Very beautiful ornaments by Susan Lordi. Comes in original packaging.

Only a $1 an entry. Leave me a comment with your NAME and EMAIL address so I can tell you if you win or not! Paypal the dollar by clicking the button below!

Simplifying

2010-03-31T13:16:00.002-03:00

So, I have decided to close all of my blogs except 2. This one, and the Tuesday blog. My life is busy. Well ... I guess I have lots of free time, because the kids are generally pretty good ... but .. for the last two years, I have let technology run my life. I would sit on the computer and blog, or facebook ... and really, where has it got me?

My brain is mush, I'm fat ...

And I noticed that this blog, is empty. I rarely blog about the girls anymore, or on the Tuesday blog. I rarely blog anymore because I have so many I feel like it's work. So right after this post, I am deleting them.

I was going to keep them up until after the Tuesday blog party, so I can host a ton of items, but instead, I will host them all on here, and one of the Tuesday blog. That will be much easier to keep track of.

Hopefully soon, I will be back to blogging about what matters. My family.

A Bloggy Update

2010-03-17T22:11:00.005-03:00

Hey! So I am kinda lagging on what to post. I want to update pictures, but my laptop kinda blows and it`s SO SO slow. So here are my other blogs that you may, or may not visit. (and for my friends who make fun of me for having a multitude of blogs, I defend myself by saying it`s an attempt to be more organized. SO THERE! :P)

In May, each of these blogs will be hosting an auction item in May for the annual Tuesday Blog Party. Make sure if you want to participate, click here.

Well, this is my blog, that you are on right now. This is mostly for family updates, updates on myself, or a useful tool to help spread the word on important issues and causes.

Here is the Tuesday blog. This blog is basically for spreading awareness, and gaining funds for neuroblastoma research. Fighting for a cure everyday.

I don`t have a button for this blog as of yet, but it`s My Quest to a Better Life. Thanks to a few friends, I have decided to attempt a healthier life style for my family and myself, and document why I am doing these changes, and how it is going. I will be posting my first article this week, about the benefits of making your own bread (with recipe, of course. :P) I will also be researching eco friendly products as well.

I don`t update this often, and it`s not a blog, but it`s my weightloss page (on sparkpeople)

And because I am a TOTAL DWEEB ... I may, or may not have a Twilight and True Blood Fan Book Sites. You laugh ... but ... oh hell ... I know. I`m a geek, and Ryan reminds me every time I update them. haha.

And lastly, Ryan and me have a wedding blog. I will be updating it soon ... because we really want to get married before the kids start elementry school, which is next year. :S I think I will be hunting for a wedding dress REALLY REALLY soon. :)

2010-03-15T14:07:00.000-03:00

Small update!

So, it`s been a while. Things have been a bit ... hectic latey? I guess. Yes. It has been hectic. Isn't life always?

The girls have been sick. Actually, they have been sick with 2 different illnesses. If one had the stomach flu, then the other had a cold ... and then they switched of course, as all siblings do.

And then, of course, I got sick, with both. UGH!

I love their therapy center, but geez ... they are sick at least once a month now. Such a pain!
Anyways, life is good. The girls are doing so well, and I am incredibly proud of them! They are talking more (hearing them argue is a hoot sometimes!) and they actually play with other kids. Rarely they have temper tantrums anymore, which is a relief. We still have problems with eating. :( BUT, the center started potty training today, and hopefully we can carry it over at home soon! :)

Ryan and me are doing good, and discussing future plans. Of a house one day, and maybe a wedding. Who knows? haha.

Anyways, I am hoping to update again soon! ttyl!

Please Help!

2010-03-04T13:09:00.002-04:00

PLEASE HELP FIND HER!

Condensing

2010-03-03T00:06:00.001-04:00

So a while back I started a recipe/review blog. I've posted once. haha. So expect to see some recipes and reviews on here once and a while. If you ever want to check them out, click on the new link bar above, and click on recipes. :) Here is the one and only thing I posted there:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey there! Welcome to my first post! In short, this blog was created to review recipes, post some of my own, and rate new food products that have come out on the market. Not only do I review it, but my family does as well. If you would like to send me a recipe to review, email me at emailablogger@gmail.com

Today, I am reviewing Gourmet Mom on the Go's Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake. First of all, I love this blog! I am always looking for cute recipes for different occasions, and I ALWAYS check her blog first! I have had this specific recipe in my favorites for a long time now, always wanting to try it, but never really took the time to make it. Well, I figured Valentines Day would be an awesome day to try it out.

For the recipe, check out Gourmet Mom on the Go's blog here!

First of all, for my first time making a 3 tiered cake, it wasn't that bad. It did end up a bit lopsided, so that will be something I need to work on.

The cake: Was delicious! Created to be super easy (boxed cake mix is used instead of making it from scratch), and with things to make it really soft and moist (pudding mix, sour cream, and a lot of eggs), it creates a cake that makes you want to eat a second helping (or third).

Ryan gives the cake a 4/5, for being moist, chocolaty, and for well ... being cake. But he says it is a bit too sweet.

Clara didn't think much of the cake itself, but she never eats the cake portion. Of course.

Chloe ate half of the cake, but pretty much concentrated on the icing.

I give the cake a 5/5, for being moist, full of flavor, and easy to make and assemble. I didn't find the cake itself to be as sweet as the icing.

The icing: Was really good! I have never actually had peanut butter icing before, and for my first time making it, it turned out pretty good. It makes A LOT of icing ... so much that I ended up freezing half the batch for later use. So if you don't like a lot of icing on your cake, I would cut down on the recipe by half.

Ryan gives the icing a 4/5, for tasting really good (his words, not mine, haha), but was SO sweet, that he had trouble finishing the cake.

Both Clara and Chloe ate the icing off the cake, so I will say they loved it!

I give the icing a 4/5, for the great spreading consistancy, easy to make, and I DID like it. I do however feel like the icing sugar overpowered the peanut butter flavor, and was too sweet. It was really good, but way too sweet.

Overall the entire cake gets a 17/20!

2010-03-01T15:09:00.001-04:00

via Who Says 8 Is Enough Gives Back

Last year, my friends & I had such a great & successful time raising funds for pediatric cancer research in sweet Tuesday's memory, that we have decided to make this an annual event and, of course, we can't do this without your help.
If you already know you want to be a part of the fun again this year, by hosting a give-away on your blog, please sign in, and as the date approaches, I will be sure to contact you with more information (or you can keep checking back here for updates).
If you don't want to auction an item, but loved being a part of the party and would be willing to spread the word, please consider posting one of our buttons on your blog.
Our success depends on you! Our fellow champions :)

To sign up, click here!

Who I Am.

2010-02-28T20:47:00.002-04:00

I am Canadian. I am proud to be a Canadian. I am so happy and proud that we got to host the Winter Olympics this year. What a privileged, filled with SO much emotions. I mean ... did you watch it? What a great event!

The most amazing thing about the Olympic games this year was the patriotism is this wonderful country. For years, we have been silently proud of our country. Quiet, kept to ourselves ... we just didn't SEEM like we were united.

For over 2 weeks, I feel lucky enough to have experienced the sheer ... joy everyone felt. Walking by total strangers, you felt connected to them. We were all united ... cheering on our athletes for the greatest, and most challenging athletic moments of their lives. Canadians all around the country left that quiet part of them aside, and we reacted. We all cried tears when a Georgian athlete died on the luge track before living his dream. We all screamed with pure happiness when Alex won our first gold on Canadian soil, and we felt his big brothers PURE happiness for his little brother. We cried tears for our figure skater, who sadly lost her mom before she was to compete ... and she pushed through, and got bronze.

For the last event, mens hockey, I remember driving home, trying to get home before the game started, so we could see if Team Canada would get us to the magic number of 14 golds, beating the record of golds won in the winter. The streets were eerily quiet.

80% of Canadians were at home ... watching that intense game, that left most in tears. What. A. Game. Crosby, or, "Sid the kid" made an unexpected goal ... but he is truly a hero for a lot of Canadians. And the US ... they had us on the edge of our seats. I mean ... scoring a goal 24 seconds before the game ended ... WOW.

My bladder almost exploded.

Usually, I could care less about the Olympics. Sad but true. I never really watched the events before, just wanted to know how many medals we got. This year, I was sad to see the closing ceremonies. I watched so many highlights of our Candians, and the amazing strides they took to accomplish what they did ... and I was moved to tears. I worried, that because it's over, the feeling of us all being united will be gone. I hope it doesn't fade.

At this moment ... and forever more, I am so incredibly proud to be a Canadian. Thank you to our athletes, for being the amazing people you are. And thank you to the world! Everyone was so great, and played amazingly!

So tell me, what was your favorite moment of the Olympics? I honestly can't choose between Jon Montgomery's famous beer walk (where, yes, stereotypically drank a pitcher of beer to celebrate the victory ... but hey! just because it is a Canadian stereotype, doesn't mean it ain't true. haha), Alex winning the first gold, or that kick ass, tear inducing, heartstopping game between the US and Canada ...

10 Reasons why you’re better off without him

2010-02-25T08:53:00.000-04:00

This is for Mama Kat's Workshop

So this week, I chose the prompt 10 reasons why I am better off without him. I chose this without thinking of who the "him" was. I have had quite a few boyfriends in the past, (we are talking double digits) and I am friends with ... well, all of them. So I won't mention any names (because God only knows, he might read this), but here goes ... (side note ... he isn't a bad guy, just wasn't the guy for me I guess. He was my first ... real love, and it broke my heart when we broke up. It took a very long time to get over him. I remain in contact with him, and we are friends. And, we were 16-17 at the time.)

10) He was my boyfriends friend when I met him, and he was totally willing to betray his friend to be with me (although I will point the finger at me as well, because I encouraged it as well. :( )

9) We had nothing really in common. He loves classical music, I love rock. He likes video games, I don't. He came from a "rich" background, and I did not. And I think he may have judged me a bit from my background.

8) He flirted with other girls, and when I got wind of it, he flat out denied it. We were both on a social network though, and I would literally see with my own two eyes that he was flirting with girls online. haha.

7) He broke up with me in a nasty, nasty way. We had almost been together for a year. He broke up with me on a bench in the mall. He actually yelled it was over, and people were staring. One of the most horrible moments of my life.

6) After we broke up, not 3 days later he was trying to hook up with one of our mutual friends. After I told her some things ... she stayed away from him, which in the end, was really good for her. Even though he was pissed. haha

5) Him and my mom did NOT get along. (HI MOM). I don't think he had a real problem with her. I think he was pretty scared of her. lol. She once went into his house and yelled at him (because she wasn't happy we were having sex at our ages. LOL)

4) He told me 3 months in he thought these twin girls were hot from his hometown. Seriously ironic that a year and a half later, I was pregnant with twin girls.

3) He treated me ... pretty badly after we broke up, even though we were still trying to be friends. We used each other for our own selfish needs. It was good we got away from each other, because seeing him was too hard for me.

2) He believes in perfection, something that nobody, especially me, can achieve.

1) Because if I was with him now, I would not have my family.

Recent Portraits

2010-02-21T15:02:00.002-04:00

Mama Kat's Workshop: The Heart That Wouldn't Stop Beating

2010-02-18T12:06:00.002-04:00

First of all ... holy crow I haven't done this in a long time! This is Mama Kat's Workshop

Second of all, I am changing this prompt to The Hearts That Won't Stop Beating. I am not here to talk about death. I am hear to talk about the hearts that continually beat to help and love others.

Usually I would post about my family ... but really ... everyone knows that I love them pieces, and I want to appreciate everyone in my life. So I will post about ...

My friends. I won't lie ... I got some pretty kick ass friends. I've never even met them, but in all honestly, they have proven to be more trustworthy then the ones that are right in front of my eyes. So here I go ...

Debi from Who Says 8 is Enough? is one of the best people I know. Constantly under a pile of stress (COME ON PEOPLE, She has 9 KIDS!), but never neglects her friends. Never. This woman is a champion of time management (and maybe not so much of a champion of sleeping, haha). She is a wonderful mother, a best friend, great with advice, fun to argue with, and on top of it all, she does tons of work for charity. She hosted the annual Tuesday Blog Party last year, which raised over $3000 for pediatric cancer research, put together and sold calenders and cookbooks for the same cause, and has lined up several other ways of raising money. This woman rocks my socks off, and I am very blessed to have her in my life.

Christy from Yours, Mine, and Twins! is one of the sweetest people I know. This woman has 6 kids, a husband, and also works as a nurse. She is a wonderful mother, who I respect and adore very much. Always full of comforting words and advice, she has never let me down. With all this going on, she keeps up with all her friends, and gives the best advice to all of us!

Christy from On The Edge of Insanity is one of the strongest women I know. She also has 6 kids, and is one of the best moms out there. I respect a lot that she has done with her life, and take her advice to heart. She is a very comforting presence in a tough time, and has always been there for every single one of us.

Sharlene from Double the Adventure ... oh how I love her. She is an amazingly strong woman, and I look up to her in many ways. She is an awesome mother of two, and continually shows how wonderful she is by taking her very active kids along on breathtaking adventures. She is one of the most compassionate people I know, whether it be to her family, friends, animals, nature. This on top of being smart, clever, and hilarious. She is the best!

Meike from The Romero-Schroeder is one of the most amazing women I know! She continuously has me laughing, or in tears from her beautiful words. She is definitly one of the strongest women I know, and I look up to her for that. She is a wonderful mother, and incredibly honest, which I love, love, LOVE about her.

Debbie from My Three Little Boys ... My Very Own Jungle is one of the most compassionate people I know. She is a great mom, and a great wife, and just one of the best people I know. Great advice, always there for you, and honest. There are not a lot of friends out there that are truly honest, and I appreciate it a lot.

Tab from Smelling Like Roses is such a great, amazing woman. This womans strength continually amazes me, and I very much admire her for it. She is a hilarious, wonderful, comforting friend, and she is just GREAT!

Terri from Irish Eyes Are Smilin' is an awesome friend ... incredibly honest in everything she says, and she stands by her beliefs, and doesn't let anyone sway her. She is always one of the first to be giving someone great advice, and is just a very comforting soul. She is a great friend, and I couldn't imagine my inbox without her. haha

Denise from The Corradetti Clan is by far one of the best mothers I know. She is incredibly involved in her childrens lives, and I love that about her. She is incredibly compassionate, and I really respect that in her.

Angela from Stalked by the Stork is ... wow. She is just an amazing person. She is an incredibly fair person. She see's EVERY side to an argument, and is able to put things that are hard to talk about in such elegant and beautifully written ways. She is an incredible mother, who, in spite of being a mother to 10 kids, is always there for her family and friends, and is a student. I have trouble studying with 2 kids! She is a person I look up to in many ways.

oh Bre, from Blogging Bre. I just love her! She is an AMAZING mother, an AMAZING wife, and an AMAZING friend. This woman can get you peeing your pants from laughter, gives some awesome advice to those who need it, and she provides inspiration to mom's like me to do just a bit better.

Jess from Go Blog yourself ... what can I say? She is the ultimate mother with strength in my eyes. This woman watched her child fight and lose her battle to cancer. This woman still maintains her strong faith through overwhelming odds. She is an amazing mother, and an amazing friend. This strong, brave woman is one of the most compassionate, funniest, random people I know. Random seems like a weird word ... but she is just so fun.

Patti is a wonderful friend. She is just SO MUCH FUN. She is a great mother, compassionate, willing to jump into any project, and it just all together kind!

Becky is an awesome friend! She has 3 kids, and a wonderful mom. She ALWAYS has advice and kind words for all of us, and she is always there, and always has been really. She is a very compassionate, friendly woman, and I am glad to call her my friend.

Kathy ... oh Kathy. Not only is she a great mother, and a great friend, she is very intelligent, very kind, and hilarious! Sometimes it is totally random humor, and sometimes it is warranted, but this woman also makes me pee my pants from laughing. She has great advice, and she is always there for us when we need it!

Jen ... BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! THIS GIRL IS HILARIOUS! She is incredibly sassy, and I love that about her. She is GREAT with advice, and great with just being a friend.

For those of you who I didn't mention, I love you too!

On top of all this, my friends are just truly amazing people. I have seen some ugly moments, but we have gone above and beyond all of it, and are all closely bonded. These girls, no matter how stressed they are in their own lives, have banded around Jess and her little angel Tuesday, and we will continually raise awareness and money for pediatric cancer research.

These wonderful women's heart continually beat for their families, their friends ... and ultimately, the love they continue to give every. single . day.

Love you all!

Valentines Day Blues

2010-02-17T15:33:00.003-04:00

Ryan and me haven`t celebrated valentines day since before we reached our 1 year anniversary. We both tend to lean towards the fact that i is a day where commercialism rules once again.

We do something fun at home (this year we made Peanut Butter Chocolate fudge cake), and something special for the girls, but other then that, it is just like every other day.

Graphics provided by MySpaceGraphicsandAnimations.com

But maybe there is another reason. At least for me. Maybe the romance has just died out. In amongst dirty diapers, crying kids, housework, and other stresses you decide to add to your life (for me, school is a nessacary but stressful decision I have made), maybe you just don`t feel that pull to be lovey dovey to your partner.

In others, maybe time has just slowly chipped away at that romantic urge in all of us. After 50 years of watching the flowers given die, and the pounds added on from the chocolate consumed, what`s the point?

This year, I made an observation that made me rethink things. Mostly through television, movies, books, and the real world. Maybe, romance has exploded to the point where it becomes a disappointment. In a world that worships stories like the Twilight Saga (and I am one of them, so I know!), and movies like valentines day, maybe people set themselves up for disappointment. Particularly women. Which, in effect, would lead men to the huge possibility for failure. Why bother?

Well, because I am slightly obsessed with the topic, let me focas on twilight. It is really hard not to fall in love with these books. And the men in these books! HOLY! I mean. the description in the books are wonderful enough, but look at the men playing these characters on the big screen:

pimp myspace
pimp myspace

But looks aside, the things they do for sweet (spoiled, haha) Bella are droolworthy on their own. Forget flowers and chocolates. They do not say I love you anymore.

Edward telling Bella how much he loves her in the most poetic ways, Jacob losing days of sleep to protect her, and fighting for her till the very moment she finally tells him she will always be with Edward, both of them continuously risking their lives for her ... it sets up a whole lot of expectation for women ... well, particularly young teenagers. I do wish I could say that all adult women knew what is real and not, but we all know there are those women who really would ask Robert Pattinson to bite them. It has happened.

I mean, for adults, we know what real love is. How about these young girls? Will they, or do they already expect boys to act this way? Do they think that someday, a glittery vampire or strong, but sensitive werewolf will stumble across their paths? I hope not. Will they push perfectly good men away because of these hopes? As weird and unlogical as it sounds to us, there are many girls who think this. Girls who will willingly let another person bite them in the neck, because it is romanitic.

Yeah. It has got that far.

Boys have to bite girls like a frigging vampire to be romantic.

Sadly, I have felt in the past that Ryan just doesn't cut it. He isn't really romantic. He doesn't tell me he loves me everytime he sees me, and says it in a way that makes me want to cry. He doesn't hold me tight all the time ... but then the twilight fog disappates and reality sets in ... and wouldn't you know it ... he aint half bad. Roses and chocolates suddenly sound awesome.

So I got off topic a bit ... but it came to me that romance is dying out for a reason. Why should anyone try when they have to compete with these unrealistic ventures?

I think that parents need to teach their children the reality of romance, and what goes too far. I remember being 13, and my boyfriend got me a dozen roses, and delivered them to me on my lunch break at school. I remember the butterflies, and how happy I was. That is what old time romance is suppossed to do ... which sounds so much better then bite marks, and the lonliness the one WILL feel waiting for the perfect guy.

So what do you think? are you afraid for the young girls living in today's world?

Some pictures

2010-02-14T17:13:00.008-04:00

Don't forget about the Tuesday Pendant Fundraiser!

I know this isn't Valentines Day themed pics, but here are the loves of my life (and don't worry Ryan, you fit in there too. haha)

The girls room in our new apartment
Chloe playing tea party at sunrise

Clara and Chloe on Chloe's hospital bed

Clara cuddling up to nanny after a long day

Chloe eating her supper (and first food and drink of day) after surgery.

Chloe laying on mommy's bed in her hospital room, watching a movie.

Clara playing tea party while Chloe finished up her bedrest

Chloe watching a movie while on bedrest

Clara being cute at the motel

Clara

Chloe watching tv before bed in the motel

Clara wrapped up in my bedding.

This is why Ryan hates me. haha. Daddy and Chloe just sleeping away.

We found the girls like this one night ... sharing a bed. haha

Chloe all ready for school.

The girls testing out out our new computer chair. apparently, it is comfy, because Chloe is asleep. haha.

Pendants for Tuesday

2010-02-13T21:08:00.000-04:00

A year ago HomeStudio helped in a fundraiser for sweet Tuesday Whitt.

Although, Tuesday passed away a year ago, she still continues to have a huge impact on many lives.

HomeStudios has GENEROUSLY created 3 new pendants to honor Tuesday and to help raise Pediatric Cancer Awareness.

Right now, if you order, 50% of the sales of these new pendants will go towards pediatric cancer research as a legacy to little Tuesday.

Please help support a great cause and take a look HERE.

This special offer is available from Feb 7th until Feb 21st, so please place an order now, and help fight Pediatric Cancer...for Tuesday.

FYI, I actually own the Tuesday pendant with the butterfly. These pendants are beautiful, and very well crafted!

Chloe's surgery

2010-02-12T20:52:00.002-04:00

Hey there, long time, no post.

Well, needless to say, things have been crazy. First with the holidays, then with moving, starting to study (I'm officially on my way to graduating high school. yay!) and Chloe's last minute surgery, things have been nuts. Plus, our 3 year old PC decided to take it's last breath. of course.

So about a month ago we got a call from the IWK that Chloe was to have surgery in a week. 2 days before we were to leave (it is in a different province from us), they cancel. Ugh.

It was scheduled for 2 weeks later. Well, I am happy to say that her surgery was a success!

We arrived in Halifax safely, despite bad roads. The next day, we went to the IWK for pre-op tests. In the past, whenever we had done echos, she has been sedated. With her autism, it was hard for her to have stranger poke and prod her for an hour, and for her to stay still. The hosptial and I decided that we will try it without sedation. And happily it worked. For hours, she had to deal with an echo, a chest xray, ecg, and her first dentist appointment. She didn't cry once. She pouted, for sure, but she was perfect. Much better then I ever thought she could be. I must say, Clara rocked the day as well. She was with Chloe for everything! the only time she wasn't there was during xray, and Clara was really upset her sister wasn't there with her. She was a perfect sister and daughter!

The next day, we went in bright and early for her cardiac catherization. She was in good spirits, but was tired, and hungry, so she was a but grumpy. She did let the nurse grab her hand though and she walked hand in hand with her to the OR. And because Chloe specifically asked (or demanded) ... she walked to the OR in nothing but a diaper and snow boots. Just about one of the cutest things I ever saw.

Her surgery was a success. The plan was, if the PDA was small, he was going to close it using tiny coils. If it was bigger, he was going to use a plug to plug it basically. The echos showed it was a small PDA. When he got in there, he saw that the PDA was actually pretty large, and a very weird shape. So, he put a different device in. Due to the shape of the PDA, he was able to put this titanium metal thing shaped like bell, inside the duct, and there was no leakage, thank God. He did say it was a good thing they did the surgery, because she was pushing much more blood through it then they thought.

Recovery was the worst part. Chloe cried (the only time in the whole trip) and was so out of it. After 20 minutes of us comforting her the best we could while keeping her still, she napped for a couple of hours. When she woke up, crying again, we gace her the portable dvd player, and a popsicle, and she was in good spirits once again. Clara was a rockstar. For 2 hours, she sat on either of our laps, or in a chair next to Chloe, and didn't whine at all.

The overnight stay was interesting. 4 hours sleep for me. chloe decided that 3am was an awesome time to wake up, and she was just so cute, i couldn't force her to go back to sleep.

So we are home now. Her puncture wound is great, exceptt very bruised. Unfortunly, Clara and Chloe are both sick with colds, and we are getting them as well. Lovely.

Anyways, I will post pictures my next post. I am using my new laptop (mini laptop, which is irritating), and I need to figure out how to get pictures on here.

See ya!

Beautiful Mess

2010-01-24T00:00:00.000-04:00

Beautiful messes? I say.

Playing along with

Some days ...

2010-01-13T02:03:00.002-04:00

Ever have one of those days?

The kind of day where you feel like you just ... failed?

I had that day today. This morning, I got my kids dressed and off to school. I ate my breakfast, they way I planned it on my diet plan. I took my vitamins. I made a goal to walk a certain distance ... and I didn't do it. I could have, and I chose not to.

That was the start. I feel like I failed at every thing I did today. My diet went down the pooper today, I yelled at the girls constantly, which put them in a cranky mood, I did no cleaning, and taking my practice test for school was horrible. I couldn't concentrate, forgot tons of things, and failed most of the tests. I didn't make a good dinner, I got into an argument with Ryan, and I barely put the kids to bed without running out of the room to be a giant couch potato.

Ironically, I watched people on the Biggest Loser, work their hardest to reach their goals to a healthier, happier life. Then I watched people get their dreams to come true by singing their hearts out on American Idol.

Today sucked. I hate feeling this feeling of failure.

Tomorrow I hope to wake up feeling strength. Resilient. The power to get out of bed without being crabby. The power to stick to my diet, and exercise plan. The power to hug and kiss my kids, and spend more time with them. The power to concentrate on my studies.

Some mornings, I wake up and think, why bother? And really ... when I was craving Burger King for dinner tonight, I was thinking of throwing in the towel. Why bother?

Then I thought, for my family. For me. For my girls to have a mom who is always there for them. For Ryan to have a fiancee who is happy and healthy. For me to finally feel at peace with myself.

So tomorrow morning, I will try again. Let's do this!

Motivations: My family. The girls. If they can kick autisms butt, I can kick my ass to the finish line.

A long time.

2010-01-06T13:34:00.005-04:00

It's been a long time since I blogged.

Blame the holidays, and my crazy idea to move a few days before Christmas. It was just to a different unit in my building, but still.

Anyways, for now, I will just share pictures. I feel terrible, because I videotaped Christmas, and took no pictures. During our travels, I took no flippin pictures.

I did, however, steal pictures from family and friends who did take pictures. Enjoy!

Clara

Clara and Chloe

Uncle Anthony, Chloe and Clara

Clara

Chloe and Clara

Great Grammie and Clara

Chloe, Daddy and Clara

Chloe

In other exciting news, the girls got their first haircuts ... because Chloe decided to cut her hair yesterday. Yup. She gave herself the stylish mullet. Check out the before and afters.

BEFORE

AFTER

And just because she was smiling ...

TUESDAY RECIPE BOOK ON SALE NOW!

2009-12-05T10:01:00.001-04:00

Click on the photo to check out the Recipes for Tuesday Cookbook!
ALL proceeds go toward Pediatric Cancer Research.

This year, when you give a gift, give a little extra and help stop cancer from stealing any more babies from their families...
Please buy our cookbook & help make a difference.

It comes in a 3 pack (Yes, you get 3 of the SAME cookbook), which makes it AWESOME for gift giving! 3 cookbooks for $40, is a great deal! Spread the word, and grab the button! (and pick up a couple yourself, won't ya?)

Grab the Button!

Bloggers Unite: Fight for Preemies

2009-11-17T02:31:00.001-04:00

I am a mother of premature children.

Ryan and the girls 3 days old.

On August 15th, at 28 weeks gestation, after 36 hours of premature labor that just wasn't stopping no matter what they pumped into me, Clara and Chloe were born into this world.

Clara was 2lbs 4oz, and 13 3/4in long. She came out kicking up a storm apparently, and I heard her cry. She was tiny, but healthy, and breathing on her own, which was unexpected.

Chloe was 2lbs 9oz, and 14 in. long. I remember the doctor and nurses laughing because I think she came out swinging those tiny legs as well. She needed to be resuscitated, and 1 minute after being born into this world, she took her first breath. She was tiny and healthy, and breathing on her own.

They are miracles. I know this. Most 28 weekers need to be on ventilators. The girls didn't need to be. Not ever in their 2 month stay in the NICU. The girls bed neighbors, 28 week twin boys, were on ventilators, and not doing so well. (After 2 and a half months, they were able to go home ,and we see them from time to time)

Two months, thousands of moments of doubt, and depression. Don't get me wrong, the NICU is wonderful, with wonderful nurses. But to look back, and think of those 2 months ... it is very rough, and emotional for me. After I had the girls, I cried a lot. I couldn't see them until 6 or 7 hours after they were born, because I was stuck in bed. The first time I saw them, was in pictures. Covered in tubes. When I saw them in person for the first time ... I remember being dumbstruck by how beautiful they were ... and how small.

Fingers that could break so easily. No fat, just skin and bones. Seeing every rib, every bump in the spine.

As astounded as I was by their beauty, I was equally crushed. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to carry them longer, for not being able to give them more time to grow.

For two months, I cried every night I had to leave them. For two months, I cringed every morning when they did blood work, and had to hear their small, weak cries. For two months, my heart raced every time their oxygen dropped, or their heart rates dropped. For two months, I was such a mess, that I constantly pushed everyone away, and constantly doubted myself as a mother, because I couldn't hold out.

But it wasn't all tears and sadness. For two months, I got to see the amazing process of two babies growing every single day. I got to experience ultimate happiness when I got to hold them for the first time, and when the girls took to the bottle on the first try, and when I could dress them in clothes that were, yes, miles to big, even at preemie size ... but they were wearing clothes! When I saw them in a crib, instead of an incubator ... and I don't think I have ever been happier, to this day, then the day I took them home.

I owe my life to the amazing nurses who tube fed the girls, helped me bottle feed them when they were big enough, gave them medicine, and caffeine shots to stimulate breathing, held and rocked them when we had to go home for the night, and as soon as those alarms went off, they were there, making sure their apnea's didn't last too long. Without these nurses, without those doctors, who knows if they girls would have lived through some of those scary moments.

Love you, Clara and Chloe! Fighting for you was worth it! FIGHT FOR PREEMIES!

Halloween Pics

2009-11-14T10:19:00.003-04:00

My little chickens.

Mommies Little Helpers

2009-11-08T09:58:00.003-04:00

The girls helping mommy and daddy decorate cookies for Santa last year (2008)
.Chloe helping mommy with laundry, and sweeping at the same time.
Such a multi tasker. haha.

Will post Halloween pics soon, and Halloween update. Just looking for my camera. AGAIN!

Whatchagonnado?

2009-11-05T15:40:00.001-04:00

Stole this from Deb's blog, and her post on the Tuesday Blog. Halloween pics to be posted in the coming days.

15 Months....
It's all it took.
15 months to change my life forever.
15 months to change my friend Jess' life.
FOREVER.
Just fifteen months ago, Tuesday was a healthy little toddler just enjoying life with her twin sister, Piper. She was a precocious little girl who tormented her brothers and made them laugh with her silly, infectious giggle and she was the apple of her parents' eyes.
And then she was diagnosed and life changed....
Life was cancer.
Every.day.
Cancer.
Painful.
Horrible.
Pitiful.
EVERY DAY.
Until she was gone....
And now, 15 months later, her parents struggle. Her brothers struggle. Her twin sister struggles.
To get beyond cancer.

They want people to know the truth. About cancer.
Whatcha Gonna Do?

And, I am honored to share their truth...

The truth is...cancer sucks.
It's not pretty. It's not smiles. It's awful.
Plain old awful.

Now, what are you going to do?

*If your child is fighting or was fighting cancer and you would like to add his or her photo to the Whitt's new site, please contact Debi HERE

2009-10-27T14:46:00.002-03:00

We are on the fence. So I ask you all ...

Why will you be getting the H1N1 vaccine? Why won't you?

What are the odds?

2009-10-21T12:57:00.004-03:00

That is what I am asking myself today.

I have mentioned in the past that I am involved in a wonderful multiples group online ... but, really, we are so much more then that. We are the closest of friends.

A lot of us has have banded off, through one reason or another, onto our own paths, keeping in contact with some of the ladies, but we all continue to share common threads.

We were all pregnant with twins together. We all had the same pains, aches, and bitterness about bed rest. We also continue to love and care for our friend Jess, who recently lost her daughter Tuesday to neuroblastoma.

Neuroblastoma. The "rare" pediatric cancer. Hah!

Last night, we all found out that another dear friend, and a great support to Jess in troubled times, now has to face the same battle with her own child. Her son Joey, who will be 8 next year, recently had a tumor removed, and it was found to have neuroblastoma cells.

So I have to ask ... what are the odds? What are the odds that in a group of women (who's numbered were around 50), that 2 children would end up with the same cancer? The "rare" cancer? There are approx. 650 cases a year in the US. Around 50 in Canada. Out of approx. 50 women ... 2 women have had to, and are now facing this road.

It's horrible. It still hasn't hit me. I haven't cried about it, and I know that sounds awful ... but it's because I don't quite believe it. It will hit me soon.

If everyone can pray for Patti, and her son Joey, that he will heal quickly, and as painlessly as possible, and soon be running around with all his friends.

Damn it.

Our Change

2009-10-20T09:13:00.002-03:00

So I mentioned in my last blog post that our little family might be facing a big change.

Well, everything is official now. It's nothing REALLY big, but it changes our family dynamic a bit. Ryan is being switched from working days, to nights. This means less hours for me working (only Friday and Saturday to be technical), and more time at home. Of course, this means my responsibilities have been risen as well.

Since the girls were born, Ryan has ALWAYS been the night guy. Yeah, when they were babies, we both got up at night, because, we both had to feed them. Once they started sleeping through the night though, Ryan got up with them, and calmed them down. He usually gives them their baths. He is just generally the better night time parents. Now I have to do that. Alone. Big adjustment for me, and the girls. The girls only like it when daddy comes to comfort them at night.

Then, add this on to the new schedule for us in the morning. Getting the girls ready for therapy.

The good things about this change is that Ryan will see the girls more. Before he was only seeing them an hour a day before they headed to bed. Now he gets to spend the whole afternoon with them. Of course, because he is losing a few hours sleep, he is getting more money, which helps us out, a lot!, and now he won't be missing time from work to drive them to school and back.

It all works out.

Anyways, not much else to post!

Just a small update.

2009-10-15T15:33:00.004-03:00

The Girls: Are doing well. They started therapy 2 weeks ago, and I have seen an improvement in their behavior. Then again, things in our lives have become a bit stable again. We have a new van, which the girls love, and we are not constantly driving to dealerships, so being home more, and not being in a strange car all the time probably helps. Either way, less temper tantrums, and the girls seem really happy there. I've even got some artwork home, which is ALWAYS a treat for me. I will have to post a picture of Clara's turkey. :) They are both talking a bit more, and combining words. "Want some", "Cars", "toast", "what's up?", "love you", "kiss", "hug", "juice", "what?", "kitty", and "no" are words I hear everyday now.

Weight loss: I am at my heaviest. This time, I know it is my fault. I have been purposely eating really bad foods out of convenience, and, let's face it, taste. I'm not doing awesome right now, trying to follow a routine, but I am not doing bad. I am hoping that tomorrow I can get my spark page up and running again, and maybe get a walk in when the girls are off at school.

Well, that is pretty much it. There may be a big change coming in the Scott-Eadle clan's lives in the coming weeks. I will post about it when more news becomes available to me. Now I am off to cook a very unhealthy dinner (steak and hash brown casserole ... HEY, I was going anti-turkey tonight) and freeze my toes off. It's chilly in here!

Not the happiest of Thanksgivings

2009-10-11T11:54:00.004-03:00

First of all, to all my fellow Canadians, Happy Thanksgiving!

For the occasion, I made 4 pies (apple, 2 pumpkin, and a lemon pie), and I am roasted a 20lb turkey right now. Making the gravy from scratch later (is there ANY other way?), with mashed potatoes, mixed veggies, pickled beets (YUM!), stuffing, squash, and cranberry sauce. May make Ryan run out later to get a pkg. roles (worked yesterday, so I didn't have time to make homemade. :( ), and some Pepsi, because I am craving it. haha. So this isn't a diet day. Not that I have started ... yet.

Now onto the sadder parts of the day ... today is the one year anniversary of my nannies death. We miss you here nanny!

And we are also celebrating (in spirit, since we are so far away), Piper and Tuesday's third birthday. I only wish dear Piper could celebrate with her sister today. :( ... Happy Birthday girls! I hope you have a great day. Jess, Charley, I pray peace washes over you.

Some pictures from the last few weeks

2009-10-09T12:35:00.004-03:00

Here are some pictures I have been meaning to post ...

PS - The pictures used up above, is a preview of the Christmas pictures ... :)

Therapy is going good. They are still easing into it. They are going for 3 hours next week, and then the week after, there full 4 hours a day.

I will be adding a button to the side hopefully this weekend specifically for following the girls journey with autism. It's Thanksgiving this weekend, so I might have some time. :)

So now for the post ...

2009-10-06T11:32:00.007-03:00

Hey! I hope you like the new look. I mean, once November hits, I am changing it again to something winter. CHRISTMAS IS SOON BABY! Can you tell how much I love this season. First Thanksgiving (here in Canada), then Halloween, Remembrance Day (always a sad day, but a good day to think about why and how we have the freedoms we enjoy today) and then ... CHRISTMAS!

Kinda scary how time goes by.

So what is new in our lives. Well, I have been MIA for a while now, and the reason why, is a few weeks ago we were in a car accident. All four of us were fine (a bit beat up, but okay!) but our car was totaled. :( ... I am still kinda bummed out about it. I loved that car.

So anyways, for the last few weeks I have been healing, and car shopping (the thing I hate the most), dealing with insurance, and getting the kids ready and off to autism therapy.

We did find a mini van (kick ASS awesome). Of course, we have it all of 5 minutes, and the radiator goes. LOVELY! We hadn't signed for it yet at that point though, so the dealership is paying for the repairs, which is super.

I honestly think we just have really bad luck with cars. Our first car, the one we got from Ryan's mom, is gone. After 1 year, the engine blew. I cried when we got rid of it. We brought the girls home for the first time in it, and that was the happiest day of my life. Then we got the Hyundai Sonata, and it gets totaled after 2 years. Now the van we have for 5 minutes (literally, 5), and the radiator goes. UGH!

So in other news, the girls started their autism therapy faster then we thought. Their clinical supervisor came over one day for a meeting, and after an hour of screaming and violence inflicted towards your's personally, she decided that they, and Ryan and me, needed they help asap. So now they are in a few days a week until November, and then they will be going everyday, except for weekends. I will admit, I love the free time, and quiet. The girls love school, especially Chloe.

First Day Of School

Second Day of School

Other news ... Miss Chloe finally has her surgery booked so they can close her PDA. We are happy it is being done ... but we don't want her to have surgery. Blah.

You may notice on my sidebar that I am adding a weight loss thing. I am starting a diet tomorrow, and I think blogging about it might encourage me a bit more. I'll probably be posting tips and recipes as well.

Anyways, have a happy Tuesday!

Renovating

2009-10-04T14:18:00.002-03:00

FOR FALL! I'll post a family update tonight!

Lessons Learned Part Two

2009-09-10T09:28:00.013-03:00

Check out Part One!

Not all babies condone baby talk.

Cleanliness, is not always important.

Then again ... sometimes it is.

With babies, you'll never get all eyes faced the same way.

Not all babies, enjoy kisses.
Bedtimes usually contain some tears and some cuteness to delay the process.
Sometimes family walks turn into work outs for daddies.
Kids Make the boldest fashion statements.
There is no such thing as too much love.
No matter how cute it is, in 15 years, your daughter will kill you for this.

No matter what age, a child can be mortified by parents.

Lessons Learned Part 1

2009-09-03T12:52:00.013-03:00

These are a few of the lessons I have learned while being a parent of toddler girls:

Newborn to One Year:

Babies cry for no reason at all sometimes
Babies Don't Care if they are in a nice outfit
Babies don't care how tired you are, as long as they are happy

Babies do not understand the concept of cold weather.Not all Babies understand new found inventions.Some babies Don't like tummy time

As exciting as trying a new food is, sometimes babies get messy in the processNo matter how much you love them ... their poop stinks.Not all babies like baby snacks ...

All clothes in the first year worn better not be important to you, because it will get ruined
When baby isn't happy, mommy and daddy aren't happy
Sleep is a privilege, not a right.
Mommy and Daddy's date nights consist of a meal of jarred carrots, peas, and chicken, with bottles of baby formula. And the only action they are getting, is a poopy diaper and some projectile vomit.

Currently busy getting all my yard sale stuff ready. :) So enjoy part 1 of life lessons a parent learns. Part 2 and 3 will be posted tomorrow and Friday. :)

Childhood Cancer Awareness Month

2009-09-01T00:20:00.003-03:00

Hey all.

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month, and in honor of Tuesday Whitt, my friend's daughter who passed away this past January to neuroblastoma, I am dedicated to raise money and awareness to neuroblastoma research.

So, as some of you know, I am a writer on the Tuesday blog, and I have posted a Mr. Linky for everyone wanting to do something to raise money and awareness. All you have to do is decide on what you are going to do, post about it on your blog, go to the Tuesday blog, and click on the link at the top of the blog, then add your link. It's that easy!

So how am I helping?

1) I will be holding a yard sale this Saturday, and I plan on donating 25% of what I make to the Tuesday Whitt Fund.

2) Sometime this month, I will host a bake sale, where all the proceeds go to Cookies For Cancer. I may also host a lemonade stand, where all profits go to Alex's lemonade stand, but we will see how much time I have left over. :)

And no worries, I will post about what I made, and all that good stuff. Please help!

Despite Autism ...

2009-08-30T19:15:00.003-03:00

My girls can talk. Yes, it is true that their word count is below 20 words, they can only combine a couple of words together, and most of the time, it is the dreaded "twin language", but at least my kids have the ability to talk.

My girls can play. Yes, sometimes toys go unnoticed, but they play together, and to me, that is more important then the rest.

My girls enjoy the company of family. Of course they wander off to be alone in their room, but they do not object to the company of a family member, especially each other.

My girls are happy. I will admit, they get excited over weird things other people don't care for, but at least they are excited about something.

Most importantly ...

My girls can love. It takes them less then 20 minutes to warm up to somebody, and they willingly give hugs and kisses to family.

I can only be grateful that although most days I want to sit in my room and cry, because my girls are hard to handle, that they can do things. Autism hasn't got them. It hasn't got any child, and as long as there are great people in the world to help these kids, we will all be fine.

I found my camera!

2009-08-27T01:26:00.004-03:00

Here are the pics that were on it. They are from June and July.

Clara in the grass

Clara sulking

No worries Mom. I got them both covered. *Chloe

I gots me a fruit loop (Clara)

I'm pretty sure this is Chloe

Chloe

Chloe being pretty, mommy being weird

Got ya Chloe!

Daddy is so strong!

Clara loves her Bo

Kind of bummed out ...

2009-08-25T10:41:00.006-03:00

Ryan and me made a stupid choice to let the girls play with the camera.

And we can't find it now.

So we didn't get ANY pictures of the girls third birthday, and I am kicking myself hardcore now! Luckily, Ryan's dad took some pictures of the girls at their birthday BBQ thing. Unfortunately, no pics at the zoo on their actual birthday. Here are some pics, and then a small little update.

PS - I just want to say that the girls don't usually look so messy. It was 43 degrees out that day (109 to you Americans) and we were all pretty miserable. So everyone is pretty red from heat, and sweaty. Yuck. Can't wait to be in the 1 digit temps again. :) On another note, check out how flipping tall my kids are.

Their birthday was exhausting, but I think the kids had a lot of fun. We spent their actual birthday at the zoo a couple of towns away. All the cougars and lions were kitties. haha.

Actually, the deer was too.

Lucky for us, a cougar actually came RIGHT to the glass. Scared the girls a little though. I think their favorites were the sea otters. Or maybe it was just the water that they liked in the exhibit. lol. It was 43 (109) then as well. And barely any shade. After a couple of hours, we had to call it quits. The heat was too much, and we were exhausted.

We had a couple of family members over the next day for a BBQ. I made way too much food. As usual. lol.

The girls got some great gifts this year. Ryan and me have never actually bought the girls birthday gifts. We usually throw a huge birthday bash, and that is our gift to them. This year our gift was the zoo trip. We did cave and buy the girls some cheap toys at the dollar store though. haha. They got ePets. Too young to watch them online, obviously, but they are cute cats. A dora doll that reads a book to them, and a soft seated potty. They got some clothes, a couple of barbies, and some bath toys. They got some money and giftcards, and with that we took them shopping, where they picked everything but the DVD. They got a My Little Pony pack, with 4 ponies and a comb. Holy Frig they are expensive! 2 CARS dinkie cars (they are collecting), and a Backyardigans DVD that they are in LOVE with. So thanks for the gifts guys!

The girls are doing well. We learned they don't like heat, and they are more irritable when it is hot out. They take after me in that aspect. They are talking a bit more. Meaning, they are using more words. And they are growing. They aren't gaining weight, and they haven't in a year. Actually, they have lost a little. They are growing tall though. Already their heads are to my belly button, and I am 5'4.

Any tips on how to break up fighting twins? They are getting very rough, and I have a feeling my work will be cut out for me when they are older.

We had our entrance interview with the Autism connections center, and they girls should be starting in 8 weeks. We are excited, and nervous, because we know the girls will hate it at first. That is to be expected of course. Plus, this is essentially sending our 3 year olds to school everyday, and I am nervous.

What the hell will I do for 4 hours a day?

I am excited they will be getting the help and therapy they need though. I can't wait to have 2 kids that respond to me,communicate with me. It will be a dream come true.

Ryan is doing well. Working A LOT! 12 hours a day a lot. I am working less, and plan on leaving after Christmas to go back to school. I AM SO EXCITED!

Anyways, hope all is well with everyone!

Happy Birthday My Beautiful Babies!

2009-08-15T04:50:00.000-03:00

3 years ago, at 4:50am, Ryan and me welcomed a daughter to the world. Two minutes later, at 4:52am, we welcomed our second daughter. 3 years ago ...
On August 13th, I was feeling uncomfortable. I was 27 weeks, and 5 days pregnant with twin girls, who were growing quickly. I am a short girl, at 5'4, and I was running out of room for them. My stomach was huge, and my hole body widened about double. I had gained 80lbs with the pregnancy, and I felt it in my knees. My whole body was swollen to the point where my size 7 feet would only fit into a pair of size 10 Mens Crocs. I loved it. I was uncomfortable, and I loved it. I LOVED feeling and watching the girls kick. Boy could they kick. My stomach was in waves every night around 10pm. This was any other day. My back was hurting, which was normal, so I laid on the couch.

I was a beached whale.

I went to bed in pain. After an hour of sleep, I woke up in pain. A lot of pain. And I had to pee. I didn't really know why at the time, but I timed the pain. Every 5 minutes, I was having a contraction that lasted almost a minute. I waddled to the bathroom, peed (because, honestly, that was ALL I was doing at that point) and noticed the blood.

I woke up Ryan, and my mom, and we rushed to the hospital.

On August 14th, I spent the day having continuous contractions. Painful contractions, but the girls were fine. They have me meds to try to stop the labor, but they were not working well, and had messed up with my heart. After that, for 3 days, every 4 hours, I was monitered and had blood drawn. Fun.

I don't think I cried so much in my life. The pain was more intense then ever, and I couldn't stop wanting to pee. I refused pain meds. I wasn't doing it unless I had to. I was only 2.5cm

I fell asleep that night, with contractions every 16 minutes, and only lasting 30 seconds. I thought we were on the road to stopping the labor, and after only sleeping 1 hour in 48 hours, I was thankful for sleep.

August 15th ... I got another hour of sleep, before I woke up in the worst pain in my life. Luckily, a nurse walked in right then, when I woke up. In tears, I told her the pain was constant. She had the doctor called, and after a quick examination, she told me she had to get the babies out. I went from 2cm to 5 in an hour.

Que to the scariest night of my life. I was prepared for an emergency csection, and I was scared. I had turned 28 weeks that very day, and the girls were real small. They hadn't had the steriods to stregnth their lungs. I was 18 and about to undergo major abdominal surgery, my first ever surgery, and my kids were coming too early. I was scared out of my frigging mind.

At 4:50am, Clara Nicolle was born at 2lbs 4oz, and 13.25 inches long.
At 4:52am, Chloe Elizabeth was born at 2lbs, 9oz, and was 14 inches long.

Clara had to be stimulated by touch, but she breathed on her own after she was taken out. Chloe had to be resuscitated, and she started to breath on her own. She was born with a strawberry birth mark on her ankle, a brown birthmark on her belly the size of a needle pin (which is the size of a loonie now) and a bruise on her shoulder.

They spent 2 months in the NICU. They faced no scary moments. Clara had to have 1 blood transfusion for anemia, they both got a weird eye infection, and they both suffered from some apnea attacks. Some were bad. Some weren't. They both dropped in weight. Clara went to 1.14, and Chloe 2lbs on the dot, but gained quickly.
Now, I look back, and I am awed. I truly have two strong little girls. Strong, beautiful, stubborn as all hell ... smart. We have had our ups and downs with them, and as parents. Dealing with the things life throws at us, like them being both autistic, is hard. Screaming tantrums, not listening, and small things that deeply disturb us sometimes. But then there are the moments when they run up and give you hugs and kisses. When they have a true smile on their faces, and laugh real laughs. Makes it all worth it, you know.

Anyways, Clara, Chloe ... I know I don't show it all the time, and I can be a hard person to live with, but I wanted to say that I love you both with all I have. Everything I have. You two are my everything, and I will never regret you both. I love you, and Happy 3rd birthday. Looking forward to many more.

Clara, their cousin, and Chloe, 2009

I'm pretty Awesome ... I'll admit ...

2009-07-15T17:38:00.004-03:00

haha ... well, being awesome is debatable, but Stacey seems to think so from Willowjak boys. Here is my award ...

The catch is, is that I have to say 7 awesome things about me, and then tag 7 other people. So ... let me think. This post will probably take me hours, because I really don't see myself as awesome. LOL.

1. I love, love, LOVE music. All kinds of music! I am more of an easy rock, folksy girl, but I love some classical numbers, punk, blues ... I think the only music I absolutly hate is rap. Gross ... rap music ... ugh. If I could, I would play music all day long. Of course, this ALSO means I love to sing along, and dance. haha. Which, makes ME feel pretty awesome ... although it may make others eyes and ears bleed.

2. I'm just a tad obsessed with Twilight. Just a tad. I've just read the books 3 times in the last ... oh ... month. lol. Since Twilight it totally KICK ASS ... then that makes me a more awesome person.

3. I love celebrity gossip. Honestly have started thinking about opening a blog for that, because I have tons of opinions on it. Like, this is really pissing me off right now, and I feel really bad for this guy right now, because, the tweens, and even adults, won't leave him alone. :( (But look at his smile! :) ) I'm pretty awesome when it comes to this, because 75% of the time, I won't, and will not believe it. It is a general rule ... if it says "a source" ... it's bull. I'm not one of those people who reads something and believes it.

4. When I was a teenager, I went around to elementary schools and talked to kids who were about to go to junior high about peer pressure, drinking, and drugs. The local police drove us around to each school. And lucky for me, it's the only time I have ever been in the back seat of a police cruiser. I took my first sip of alcohol when I was 15, and I then didn't drink again until I was 17. Yes, below the legal age still, but I didn't get drunk until I was 17, which is good compared to other kids. I did smoke, and I quit a few months before I had the girls (AWESOME me!) and I have never done drugs, although I was around them. I think it is awesome that I can say I am drug free. :)

5. (This is getting hard people ... hmmmm ...) I like to do things a very specific way ... and Ryan thinks that I have a tad bit of a problem with OCD. lol. In my head, it has to be my way ... or no way. I think this is pretty awesome ... not the part where it drives Ryan crazy, but that I am crazy enough to feel this way. Ryan is not aloud to fold laundry. He is banned. I have made charts on how to fold, and he won't follow it ... so he is banned. I have to watch a TV season through from the first episode to the last, or I won't watch it. I can't just skip ahead to my favorite episode or season. It really bugs me. There are tons of other things, but, I should honestly try to think of the sixth thing ...

6. I love to write. I haven't had a lot of time in the last ... oh ... 3 years to write ... but I used to write ...a lot. My teachers, and family used to read some of the stories I wrote as a kid, and loved them. Now I usually keep my writing to myself. Poems (I will post a couple later that I wrote when I was 17, and just recently found on poetry.com (entered into a contest.), stories ... and actually, because of my best friend, my dreams. He gave me a dream journal on my 16th birthday because I have always been a vivid dreamer, and I always wanted to remember them. It was such a nice thought. I've honestly beat around some ideas for a book to write, but I don't know if I have the concentration to do it.

7. And lastly, I think I should mention my dreams. I have always been a dreamer. I'm a big day dreamer, but, at nighttime, it is rare that I have a dreamless sleep. It's always been like that. As of the last couple of months, I have been having VERY vivid dreams. They seem SO SO real ... I think it is awesome. I love having dreams. They set a mood for the day. Sometimes it is hard to wake up from them. haha.

Anyways, some AWESOME peeps I think NEED to do this ASAP ...

1.I'm Living Proof that God has a sense of humor
2.On the edge of insanity
3.Stalked by the Stork
4.Smelling Like Roses
5.Three Little boys ... my very own jungle
6.Blogging Bre
7.INfertile Myrtle

Hey, I cleaned!

2009-07-09T10:40:00.003-03:00

Hey there! So I cleaned up my blog! I hate having tons of buttons and links on the side, and a lot of people don't pay attention to them anyways. So if you are looking for my favorite blogs, including families in need, and Tuesday things, click above on "Favorite Blogs". If you are looking for my other blogs, including For Tuesday, and My Wedding blog, then click on "Other Blogs".

I am planning on tracking my weightloss on here as well, and that link should be up within the next couple of days. Bear with my on the posting though, I am working on some posts. :)

Hey guys

2009-07-08T16:27:00.002-03:00

So it's been a week or so ... and I can explain ...

I am a Twilight addict.

You see, some of my crazy, good ol' friends started talking about it a while back, and I calmly said, here was no way I was going to watch the movie, or read the books. I'm already into another series called Harry Potter.

Well, a few weeks later (approx. 2 weeks ago) I was hanging out at my parents house, when my mom decided to put in Twilight. Sure, whatever, I'll watch it with you.

I watched it twice. And many times since. I've read all 4 books twice since then, and I am restarting them more slowly this time. I would easily say I like Twilight a whole lot more then Harry Potter.

Anyways, I will get some things organized tonight on all of my blogs. A post or 2 lined up. Either way, you will see some Twilight things around here ... maybe I will start a blog doing weekly news or something on the movies and books, with quotes and stuff. I will soon have more time to do that kind of time wasting activitiy. lol.

Hope to have a decent post up tonight. By the way, thanks to Multiples and More featuring me yesterday!

The Day

2009-07-01T08:00:00.000-03:00

To all my fellow Canadian out there, Happy Canada Day! I hope you are enjoying the festivities.

To Ryan, Happy 4 year Anniversary! I love you more then you will ever know.

Four Years and 1 week ago: Me and my friend decide to hang out with Cory, a guy we work with, at his new, not technically his yet, apartment. He brought along his new roommate, a guy we also work with, Ryan. He picked us up, and we drank our coolers in the back seat of the car, because drinking in the back seat of an older guys car was the cool thing to do when you are 17. :S Ryan, being shy, shook my hand without looking at me. For the rest of the evening we sat in an apartment lighted by a lamp with stolen electricity, and talked. Ryan didn't say much.

Throughout that 1 week: We had a couple of parties. I happened to have a crush on the other guy (not Ryan), and he had told me that some things that may have happened between us didn't mean anything, and I won't lie, I was hurt. I pretended I wasn't though for the sake of friendships. Well, me and my friend threw a non-drinking party. Suppossed to me food and talking. Well, me, being as stellar as I am, decided to put on a bikini (I miss the days I looked good in one) and get drunk. Drunk and depressed doesn't mix well, and I walked outside and sat in the garage, thinking about how life totally sucked. Ryan came out. We talked for a couple of hours. My drunk wore off, and I thought, hey ... Ryan is kinda cute. And super nice too. We walked to a friends house, and spent the whole night there talking. Okay ... I pay have passed out a drooled on a pillow for 2 hours. That's cool. :)

We walked back to my friends place at 6am, and talked and laughed about us getting lost. We got there and crashed on the couchs.

4 years ago today: We woke up. Ryan, me and my friend hung out a bit in the morning, and waited for our friend to come pick us up to go back to his and Ryan's apartment. Ryan and me hung out in his room for a while so that he could show me some movies on the computer, etc ... and hen right there, I kissed him. I wasn't sure what would come of it, or if I really even liked him, but we had a lot in common, and I wanted to try. So I kissed him.

A couple of hours later, hand in hand, we went downtown to watch the fireworks. We decided to try this dating thing. I didn't leave his apartment until I had to start school, about 2 months later. I officially moved in with him in January. We concieved the girls unknowingly, a couple of weeks after I turned 18, in late January. We celebrated the one year anniversary we never thought we would get to, 3 years ago. Me very pregnant, and complaining about how hot is was.

My times have changed. We are now both in our twenties. We have 2 wonderful children. We live on our own. We have overcome many obstacles, ones that a teenager and young adult shouldn't be overcoming. We have shocked a lot of people coming this far.

Ryan, I hope we continue shocking people. I love you.

The Dream

2009-06-26T10:02:00.001-03:00

I don't know about all of you, but there is not a night that goes by, that I do not dream. Dreamless sleep is something I haven't had in a long time. They can make my sleep very pleasant, or make me feel incredibly uneasy.

I have trouble falling asleep at night. I always have. I think too much. Sometimes I think about my overflowing to do list. Sometimes I think about Ryan and the kids. Sometimes I think about money problems. Sometimes I think, "Did I lock the door and the windows?" because I am scared someone will break in and hurt my family. Once this pops in my head, the uneasy feeling starts.

Mostly, I can have up to 10 dreams a night. I remember, clearly, only 2 of them, at most. Usually the ones that really hit home, or effect me in some way. Some of them I would love to replay in my head all day long. Some, I don't.

A few days ago, I had an awful dream. Nightmare. The girls were in bed sleeping, and I sent Ryan out to the store for something, which I do often. He was in a small store, and some guy came up, and murdered him. Right there. I won't go into details, but even as a dream, it is an image I will never, EVER forget, and it wasn't slow.

A cop showed up to my door, and told me. It then switched to me laying on a couch, wishing I was dead. The girls were again in bed for the night. The apartment was a disaster. Laundry buckets in the hallway, food and toys EVERYWHERE. I was in torn up PJ's, and messy and dirty hair. I was a disaster. I was majorly depressed. I missed Ryan. This is where is gets even weirder.

Ever watch Heroes? Well, if you haven't, there is a guy they call, "The Haisen (sp?)" that has the power to erase your memories, and block out your special ability. Well, he knocked on my living room window, and I opened it up and let him in. He was like, my therapist. He was checking up on me, and making sure the kids were okay. Then I saw Ryan. A ghost, an angel ... I don't know. I told him I loved him, and missed him, and to come back. He comforted me. Me hugged and cuddled. I asked him if he was scared when it happened, and he nodded. I just bawled. The Haisen called the cops and my mom because the place and I were such a mess, and I was just talking to myself in his eyes. I asked my mom to come live with me for a while to take care of us, because I wasn't in the position, and she agreed.

Then I went disoriented, and next thing I know, I am in a hospital. They sedated me, but I still felt them poking me. I woke up with 3 tubes. 2 in each of my arms, and 1 in my chest. I was kinda scared. Something was wrong with my heart. But I was also at a peace. A huge part of me wanted to die and pass on and be with Ryan. Another part of me was screaming, fighting for the chance to live. For the girls.

Then I woke up. Crying. Ryan was gone. He had left an hour earlier to go to work, and I was so wishing I could just cuddle up with him.

I hate those dreams. So many meanings. They change my view on things in so many ways. A little over a year ago, Ryan and me were struggling with everything, including our relashinship. We almost broke up. Since then ... we have been great. Best we have ever been (if you forget about the puppy love phase). Dreams like this scare me, because it reminds me of one of my biggest fears: losing Ryan.

It is the most uneasy feeling ... the fear of losing someone you love.

Do you have a lot of dreams, or are yours sleeps usually dreamless? When you wake up from a dream, how do you usually feel, and how does it affect your day? Do you have reoccuring dreams?

The Guilt

2009-06-24T09:43:00.001-03:00

Mommy Guilt. It consumes us all, even when we shouldn't feel it.

It eats at me when I put my daughters in time out, and the give me the lippy pout. Should I have put them in time out for hitting one another. Of course ... but it pains me to see that they are sad.

It eats at me when I walk in the door of our tiny, and dark basement apartment, because I know they deserve a house, with a yard in to play in. Should I feel guilty for this? No. I should be happy that we are able to provide a roof over their heads, but it still nabs away at me.

It eats at me when I leave the car to go to work, and I give Ryan and the girls kisses bye. I hate leaving them behind. Should I feel guilty? Well ... not really. I need by job to feed my kids. I know it is for the best.

It eats at me when I watch other kids the girls age, and notice just how different my girls are from them. Is it my fault ... well ... who knows?

I found out a week ago ... my girls are autistic. Clara with mild autism, Chloe with classic autism.

The guilt eats me alive. Like it did in the last.

When I had the girls, I felt tremendously guilty. I had them at 28 weeks. The labor couldn't be stopped, so after 36 hours of painful contractions, we had Clara and Chloe at 4:50 and 4:52 am via c-section. When I finally got to see them (7 hours later), the guilt ate me alive. They were in incubators to keep them warm. They had oxygen flowing in to help them breath better. They had a couple of apneas every hour. Their tiny two pound frames didn't have an ounce of fat on them. They were so ... tiny. For a long time I blamed myself. I was a horrible mother for not being able to carry them longer.

Does this still eat away at me. Sometimes. I know that I shouldn't, and that those girls just wanted to come out early. I know it is irrational. But the guilt is there.

With this diagnosis, it's like that all over again. Is it my fault? Medically, not really. I just keep thinking if I worked with them harder, they would be able to do the things they can't do now. If I kept them in me longer, they wouldn't have to go through this. Irrational ... yes... but does the thoughts of being irrational help one overcome the guilt?

Not all the time.

How do you experience mommy guilt? How do you deal with it? Do you think mommy guilt is an irrational feeling sometimes.

Check em out

2009-06-22T09:45:00.000-03:00

Okay, so I USED to be a blogger fanatic. Not so much anymore. lol. So obviously updates are a couple of days drawn apart. ANYWAYS ... some of you know this, but I have several other blogs as well. Today I am "featuring" them, and I hope you check them out if they tickle your fancy. :)

Our Day - Ryan and mine's wedding blog. It is probably my funnest blog! Wedding planning and such ... OH BOY! I could pee from excitement ... okay ... probably not the biggest thing in the world ... I had twins ... I have no problem peeing ... when a laugh ... when I cough ... when I sneeze ... :S

For Tuesday. As many of you know, my friend Jess lost her daughter to neuroblastoma in January. I started this blog up to not only spread the word about this beast, but to honor a little girl who touched thousands of heart, raise money for research for a cure, and spread the word of other little kids stories with this horrible cancer. Click on the button to visit now.

Pounds for Pediatric Cancer. This is actually one of my fund raising endeavors for the Tuesday Fund. Essentially, I get off my big butt, lose weight, and donate some money to the kick cancers butt! And you can join in on the fun too!

It's Not Easy Being Green. I know, I know, we've heard it before right? But this is my journey on trying to be a greener self and family. I include some great articles, and tips I find along the way, AND talk about cost ... because I am cheap. haha.

So there you have it! Check em out!

Happy Fathers Day!

2009-06-21T12:00:00.000-03:00

To Ryan, and my dad.Pics to come from our fathers Day celebrations

Tell me, what did you all do? :)

Birthday Party Plans

2009-06-17T10:14:00.001-03:00

Hey all.

So, my girls are turning 3 years old exactly 2 months from now. Holy, they grow fast! Me, being me ... plans everything way ahead of time. The girls birthday party has been planned for a few weeks now, and it is 2 months away.

Here are some of my ideas, and I would be happy for some extra suggestions.

Homemade Invitations (that I hope to sell in my etsy store one day) with a lion of top.
Zoo theme! So easy and universal!
Guests in the past were a lot of family, barely any kids. This year I am planning on quite a few toddlers, their parents, the girls uncles, grandparents, and great grandparents, which makes it smaller, more manageable, and cheaper.
Their birthday party will NOT be on their actual birthday. For their birthday, on Saturday, we will be taking them a few towns over for a family day. Going to the zoo, and to dinner. :) On Sunday we will have the party.
Decorations will be simple, and cheap. Balloons, streamers, stuffed animals, bubbles!
Food wise, a BBQ (as it has been since their first birthday) of hotdogs and hamburgers, mini sandwiches (shaped like animals), meatballs, cheese,cracker, and meat tray, Potato salad, macaroni salad, roles, caesar salad, Veggie tray, Berry tray, Broccoli salad, and lots of refreshments.
Cake this year will be store bought, because every year I stress myself out by designing this cool looking cake, and this year I am cutting out the stress. Plus, Pound cake sounds OH SO GOOD!
First Aid Station with animal band aids, amongst other items, and stickers for the patient.

Activities are hard to find for kids who are 3 and under. Here is what I have:

The fish box: A box decorated like a bond with a small hole on top. Kids have their "fishing poles" which consists of sticks, yard, and clothespins at the end. They stick their fishing rods in the box, and with our hands hidden in the box, we attach a treat to the clothespin. :)
Face Painting like animals
Bowling set
Kiddy Pool with water balloons and squirt guns, or a sandbox. I think the sandbox would be less messy
Coloring and playdoh station, with animals coloring books, and cookie cutter animals shapes for the playdoh.
Animal shaped cookies and cookie decorating!

Then of course I have the fish box treats and treat bags all planned. :)

My question for you all ... what are your suggestions for food and activities. ?

No Joke

2009-06-14T12:00:00.000-03:00

No Joke.

I am in love with Zachary Quinto.

Oh Mr. Quinto, you make my day.

*Drool*

:P

What's up with Jon and Kate?

2009-06-11T12:00:00.002-03:00

Okay, I USUALLY keep it a rule not to post about anything that is in the news, or politics, or anything like that, because I like to keep it friendly here. For the last 2 months, all I have seen EVERYWHERE is this whole thing with Jon and Kate Gosselin. Their faces are everywhere. On tabloids, TV ... it's gone above and beyond. I could probably compare it to the Angelina, Brad, and Jen debacle that is oh so old, but is still in the news. What is sad, is that I used to be a fan of their show. I own the first 3 seasons on DVD, and I love watching them. I have picked up TONS of tips, cleaning and parenting wise, and lets face it, those kids are just too darn cute!

Of course, I always knew that most of the stuff was fabricated to make them look good on TV. I knew there was no way Kate could wash her floors by hand three times a day with 8 kids. I knew the trips and the stuff they had received was paid for by TLC. I am not dumb. All reality television is not technically reality at all. Not when you can edit things out, and boy, am I sure there were things edited out.

Why am I not a fan anymore? Well, I will always be a fan of those kids. They are polite, and well behaved, smart, and cute to boot. Those kids have done nothing wrong to stop me from viewing this program. My beef is with Jon and Kate themselves. Here is how I see it ... if I had 8 kids, All of them under the age of 5, and I was approached to do show by TLC, I would probably do it. Yes, there is the plus that you will have video coverage of your kids lives, that you probably wouldn't have the time to do in the first place, but the paycheck would be nice to feed my kids, get a good roof over their heads, clothes, college tuition, etc ... but I wouldn't try to do it forever. I would make the decision to get my family in a position where we are comfortable, and still working, and then stop it there. I wouldn't continue to shove a camera in my children's faces 24/7, and have the entire world watch them. I definitely wouldn't let them put cameras into my children's rooms, which they have done on the show. It just seems that they have become more money hungry as the show goes on. They got the things that any family would want. A good family car, a big, beautiful house that fits their family, college tuition probably paid for, private school for all their kids, plus more. Now you see them with a couple of cars, and Kate is off doing book tours, and magazine interviews ... isn't it enough? The kids have had a camera in their face for 5 years now. 5 years! They have literally not known what normal is, and since the beginning Kate has said that she wants them to have a normal life. This isn't the way to do it.

Second of all ... the whole BIG thing about their marriage in crumbles. If Jon cheated, that doesn't mean the end. I know quite a few couples that have had affairs happen, and they are still together and fighting for their marriage. If Kate is having an affair, then the same applies. Now, if what Kate's brother and sister in law say is true, and I have no reason to think WHY they would lie, then Kate said it was over to Jon a long time ago, and they are separated. They can each have their own lives, but for the show, they have to both make appearances. Either way, they are both incredibly messed up people right now, and THEY NEED TO REMOVE THE CAMERAS from their home to work on the marriage, or do separate and divorce quietly, for the kids sake. Do they realize that one day, the kids will see all this? It's horrible and disgusting. The saddest thing is, is that Jon wants to end the show, and is public with that, but Kate, and TLC for the matter, want to continue ruining this family.

Lastly, I am irritated by the fact that they both blame the tabloids for ruining their marriage, yet both of them have now run to one of the most popular tabloids of them all, People, and done interviews, playing the blame game. If you think tabloids ruined your marriage, don't go running to them to make yourself look good. That's just being hypocrites.

Anyways, so this whole situation has bothered me. In the end, I just feel bad for the kids, and the family members affected by this. How many more people will Kate push away before she realizes enough is enough? Her friends are gone, her family is gone (including Jon) ... will her kids finally have to choose sides for her to realize that this isn't right anymore?

So, I have decided to boycott their show. It is all incredibly fake, and I KNOW that this whole "will they stay together, won't they" thing will last the entire season, to keep their now millions of viewers tuned in. I won't be one of them. I just don't think I can sit myself down and watch a family deconstruct over petty things like money. :(

The Potty

2009-06-08T00:41:00.000-03:00

It is official. I hate the potty.

Maybe it is my own potty fears stemming from when I was a toddler coming back
to tug at my mind. My mother tells me I did not want to potty because the bathroom
was a yucky olive green color ... and NO way was I pooping on a green toilet.

Then I am pretty sure I was forced to sit there till I pooped. I don't even think
I could force the girls to sit on the potty to pee.

Ugh.

My problem is ... patience. Do I have the patience to make 2, very stubborn
almost 3 year old girls on the potty every hour? After every meal? After every drink?
Will they understand the concept of bribery? If I promise them chocolate will they
fill the toilet bowl with the wonderful yellow or brown substances tat will free my wallet, and
the environment from their yucky diapers?

I don't know.

I am at a loss.

All the research I have seen is "Don't force it" ... but how am I going to even get them interested in the potty?

They are ready. They hate having diapers on. They know what their poop is, and when they do it.

I am ready. I am SO SO ready to not have to change stinky gross diapers all the time. So ready to have the extra $60 in my pocket every month that we spend on diapers.

We are ready ... yet we need help.

So, my question for you ... how are you potty training your tot?

The Picture Update

2009-06-06T00:00:00.000-03:00

As my last post stated, I was kid free last Saturday. Here are some pictures that were taken on their excursion. By the way ... I had to post the sulking pictures. Aren't they just the cutest sulkers ever? lol

Pretty Clara

Beautiful ChloeSome more pictures

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The Uneasy

2009-06-02T10:55:00.002-03:00

This past Saturday I had the whole place to myself. Ryan took the girls to Saint John (45 minutes away) to spend the day with his family. Usually I would attend as well, but I, of course, had to work that evening. So, from 10am, to 5pm (when I left for work) I was by myself.

As as parent, you always have in the back of your mind ... damn ... I need a vacation. Or a break. I just want a day to myself. To kick back and relax. Do any thing I want. I know I do. On the days where all the kids do is strip out of their clothes, and CONTINUOUSLY take off their diapers, or rip the tags off ... or when you step on a gazillion toys that you know they didn't play with ... just dumped on the floor for the fun of making a mess ... or when they decide that whining beats talking any day ... those are the times where I just want a day to stay in bed, and sleep, relax, maybe read a book ...

I got that day. And all I felt was unease. The quiet was deafening. Sure, I got to watch more of my Heroes seasons. Sure, I got to vacuum without the kids screaming in fear. I even mopped the kitchen floor without the kids making footprints on it. But unease is all I felt. It sure makes you appreciate that you have kids ... as irritating as they can be.

Thing is, I could never live my life without them. Even a day without them is tough. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost my child. It is a nightmare just thinking about it. It is a constant fear that every parent (well, most parents) have and are not fully conscious of it until their kids are away from them. My kids are gone for the day with their father, and that is when I noticed it. The fear. The fear that something might happen to the them if I am not there. Even if Ryan was with them, who I trust completely, that fear was noticeable that day. I didn't like it.

So today ... the girls are whining. They keep tugging at me to get them juice instead of asking. They took all my cards out of my wallet ... again. They didn't eat their breakfast, and woke up earlier then usual. Just generally making sure I am extra exhausted by the time I go to work tonight ... but I wouldn't choose another way of life. A life without them.

They are home, and safe. I came home that night and they were still awake in their beds, still reeling from a day of excitement. I got hugs and kisses, and the uneasy feeling, the fear, subsided, it was still there ... and it will be there for the rest of my life I am sure.

A long time coming

2009-05-13T17:39:00.006-03:00

I feel like I haven't blogged in forever. I am so excited though that the Tuesday blog party was successful! Honestly people, give yourself a clap on the back for everyone who was involved in every way ... even if it was only passing the word along.

Anyways, I feel like I should do a bit of a family update (with pics of course) since I last left you with us going to the IWK to get an echo done, which was a whole week ago.

So first off, the kids. We've been busy. Speech therapy, heart echos in different provinces, autism screenings, and doctors appointments. It's enough to make a mama's (and dada's) heads spin. Plus, with the beautiful weather, we have been bringing the girls outside a lot more often to play, which they LOVE.

So Chloe had her echo done. She has an extra vein connecting her pulmonary and aorta in her heart. It has to be dealt with, or there is a chance that if she were to get an infection, it could make her very sick, or even be fatal. So in the next couple of months, we will be going once again to the IWK for surgery. They will be going through her leg with a catheter to "plug it" and hopefully it will close. No opened chest unless we absolutely have to. So we should have that dealt with.

As for the autism screenings, I was told that Clara is on the spectrum. More testing will be needed. I am honestly shocked, and it hasn't sunk in. If we have to do any more therapy I will go frigging bonkers.

And speech is going well. You can catch things in their babble, which is awesome. We can have mini conversations now. :)

Ryan and me are doing well. We are going through a bit of a tough time with the girls, because, let's face it ... we may or may not have autistic twins, and one of them needs surgery on her heart. It's enough to make anyone depressed. Plus, through in financial troubles (which isn't new to us really, but I am always stressing about it), life can be more troublesome. By the way, Ryan and me recently went to see Star Trek. SO SO GOOD! Check out my review

It is times like this that I know that I really love Ryan, and know I have found "the one", if there is such a thing. When we first started dating (almost 4 years ago ... anniversary coming up!) he didn't think it was a good idea to date in the first place (I was 17, he was 21) and I thought it would be a great fling. Little did I know we would be living together within a couple of days, and getting pregnant after 6 months. Or that we would be having twins. Ryan has really shown me what true love is. Yes, he drives me nuts. He has many quirks that makes me want to beat him up with a newspaper ... but I am sure I drive him up the wall too ... the fact is ... I love him incredibly. I love him more then I ever have, and it is times like this that make me really stop and think, "Wow ... I really love Ryan, and my kids, What would I do without them?"

So, I guess in a nutshell, things are as good as can be. Anyways, here are TONS of pics of Halifax, and parks that we have been hanging out at when the weather is nice here at home. :)

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Party is over! :(

2009-05-13T00:55:00.004-03:00

Yes, I am sad to say the Tuesday Blog Party is over, but we still have one huge giveaway there running until Friday. :) Anyone wants to spend a night in Denver, CO at an awesome B&B ... or a week in Florida? Check it out here. Anyways, I do have a winner for the print. I will announce it once it clears that the dollar was paid. :) If I can't contact you by means of email or blog, then you have 48 hours (Friday at 12am) for claim it.

PS - We made an AMAZING $2794.00. Thanks EVERYONE!

UPDATE - Winner is Seattletch. I have no way of getting a hold of you. Leave a comment with your email before Friday, so I can contact you.

The Tuesday Blog Party is here!

2009-05-05T00:00:00.004-03:00

From now until May 12th, I am holding this give-away to help benefit the Tuesday Fiona Whitt Foundation.
Tuesday was the beautiful twin daughter of my dear friend Jessica Kate who bravely fought and sadly lost her 8 month battle with stage 4 neuroblastoma in January of this year.
My friends and I from Jess' multiples group have decided to put together an annual blog party to help raise funds to fight pediatric cancer, specifically neuroblastoma, as it is the least funded of ALL cancers yet one of the most fatal :(
The item I am auctioning off is this awesome fairy 7x10 print from etsy shop owner by Rebecca Salcedo!
This is a professional giclee print which comes in an acid free museum quality matt, sized for an 11x14 frame!

All you have to do to enter to win this auction is simply leave me a comment letting me know you are interested in winning this awesome print and then, be sure to donate $1 to the Tuesday Fiona Whitt Foundation. You will not be entered into this auction unless you donate the $1.

Also, head on over to the Tuesday Blog Party to see what other fantastic items are being auctioned off by clicking the image below.

There are lots of great auctions going on and all it costs is one dollar to enter each one.
If you would like to make one donation, instead of many individual donations, please feel free to donate however is easiest for you.
If you end up donating $10, but only find 5 auctions you are interested in, you can use those additional dollars as additional entries :)

Thank you so much for supporting a great cause and remember to have fun!
Good luck!

Rebecca Salcedo's Links
www.smellyrhinostudio.blogspot.com
www.smellyrhino.etsy.com

Writers Workshop :)

2009-04-30T12:42:00.002-03:00

First I have to ask ... is there ANYONE who knows how to get rid of a cold super quick! Like, in 2 days? :)

The Prompts:

1.) Who really helped you get over something? Write about that person.
(writingfix.com)
2.) Is plastic surgery an option? Without being vulgar, write about the body part still attached to you that you would most like to dis-attach and replace with a better one.
(writingfix.com)
3.) Share an interesting email exchange you've had with someone lately.
4.) Have you thought about shutting down your blog? Why haven't you and what would cause you to make that decision final?
5.) Today I will...

Today I will ...

Clean everything but my kitchen. Ryan can do the dishes. :) Disinfect EVERYTHING
Take the girls outside for a walk and fresh air (maybe it will help dry up a cold?)
Try to post on ALL of my blogs (except for the Tuesday blog)
Get everything ready for the Tuesday Blog Party auction. :)
Make a list of things we will need to take with us to Halifax
Start organizing a new fund raising event
Probably watch a House episode. lol.
Call my mom probably
Change a couple of diapers

Seriously ... I could go on ... but it is really too boring. lol.

As for the plastic surgery thing ... well, this sums it up:
Wow ... don't I look like Dracula on that body. haha. Needing some sun!

Tuesday's Tribute

2009-04-28T10:17:00.003-03:00

***Forgot to post the winner of my giveaway! I know, I am only a week and a half late. lol. The winner of the Dove giveaway is Bonnie! Shoot me over an email and I will get it to you. :)

Originally Jay's brainchild, and now being held over at Angie's, I give you today's Tuesday Tribute:

Just one week from today, the First Annual Tuesday Blog Party will be starting.
It is being thrown in honor of our dear friend, Jess' daughter Tuesday, who sadly lost her 8 month battle with neuroblastoma in January.
Debi is hosting the blog party over at her fundraiser blog and all of us will be auctioning off some fantastic items on our blogs. That's right, all 10 of our blogs will have something awesome that you can enter to win, just by simply donating ONE DOLLAR to the Tuesday Fiona Whitt Foundation.
But that's not all!
Lots of OTHER bloggers will be auctioning off awesome things and you can too.
Just grab these buttons, put them on your blog and then, on May 4th, sign in HERE .

Get In On The Fun & Grab a Button!

Be Sure To Grab the Paypal Button for Your Blog!

All your readers will have to do to enter is donate one dollar to enter and once they have, you can determine the winner however you want....
Let your kids pull a number from a hat.
Use a random generator.
Or Debi's personal favorite, count how many times you hear the word "mom" said in a day, and that number wins :)
It's an awesome cause for a beautiful little girl that changed lives and a Mother's Day gift for her mom.
PLEASE JOIN!

A family update with some nice pics

2009-04-27T09:29:00.009-03:00

**Edit, check out my new blog, Just a Mom's Opinion

Well, lot's going on in our household for the next week. Here's a little update from us.

We got a call last Thursday from the IWK*. We got an appointment for Chloe's cardio echo. For those of you who don't know, my daughter Chloe was born with a heart murmur that was not discovered till she was a year old. It was though to be a PDA, which is common in preemies, but that has since been ruled out. We still do not know what is causing the heart murmur, and we hope with this echo we will finally have answers.

Since then we have been scrambling to make last minute plans to travel. The IWK is in the next province over (Nova Scotia) and it is a 5 hour drive there, so we needed to find a place to stay, etc ... after calling about 20 places yesterday, we found an Inn that was reasonable in price, and only a 15 minute drive from the IWK.

Anyways, I will update through the week if more plans arise. I know we will be stopping in Moncton to stretch our legs, and doing something "fun" in Halifax after the echo (obviously something that doesn't require a lot of walking, because Chloe will still be wobbly from sedation)

The weather has been GORGEOUS here the last couple of days, so since it is raining today, here is what we did Friday night. We went to my old elementary school. Brought back some intense memories of being a kid. Unfortunately after years of being subjected to destructive kids (it was brand new when I attended) it definitely needs some decorative repairs. And maybe a clean up because it was MESSY inside. Warning ... picture OVERLOAD!

My Old School Sign

Chloe

Clara

Chloe

Ryan and Clara

Clara and me

Chloe

Clara

Chloe

haha, me

Clara

Daddy teaching Clara bad habits

Sliding

Clara trying to climb the monkey bars

An inukshuk, found in various areas where I live. We've been driving past it for a while, and every time I think of my friend Shar. Not sure why. lol. So I made Ryan pull over so I could get this pic of a small one.

2009-04-23T13:06:00.005-03:00

Yay! It's Thursday's writers workshop, which means I have something to post about other then kids! :)

The Prompts:

1.) Book review!

2.) When is it okay not to listen to the words? Explain about a song you really love that has lame lyrcis or lyrics you simply don't understand.
(writingfix.com)

3.) Why won't you forget? List six true sentences that begin with the words 'I'll never forget...' Then use all six of your sentences in a paragraph, poem, or longer descriptive piece.
(writingfix.com)

4.) Write about an interaction you had with a salesman.

5.) What's for dinner? I'm starving.

Oh what to choose. They are all relatively short writing, so I choose ... 2, 3, and 5.

First of all, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Gold Lion by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's ... but I have no sweet clue what the lyrics mean.

Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is,
Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is,
Take our hands out of control,
Take our hands out of control

Now, tell me what you saw,
Tell me what you saw,
There was a crowd of seeds,
Inside, outside,
I must have done a dozen each

It was the height I threw, the weight,
The shell was crushing you,
I've been around a few

Tell me what you saw,
I'll tell you what to...
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh

Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is,
Gold lion's gonna tell me where the light is,
Take our hands out of control,
Take our hands out of control

Outside, Inside,
This is the moon without a tide,
We'll build a fire in your eyes,
We'll build a fire when the cover's getting brighter,
Cold desire, makes the moon without a tide

Tell me what you saw,
I'll tell you what to...
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh

Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ooh ooh, ohh ohh

And because I am doing 3 of them, I am only doing the list of I won't forget's ...

I won't forget ... losing my virginity. Who would forget that!
I won't forget ... finding out I was pregnant and telling Ryan (haha)
I won't forget ... when we found out it was twins (and Ryan not breathing ... :S)
I won't forget ... how happy I was to finally see the girls, and to bring them home.
I won't forget ... my nanny in her deathbed
I won't forget ... the night Ryan and me hung out all night long when we first met.

What's for Dinner Kat? Well, I am thinking about ordering pizza, for the second time this week. Because I am feeling lazy in the cooking department today. Either that, or Swiss Chalet. :S

Or, if I do cook, brown rice, vegetables, and BBQ chicken.

Changes Done ... For the most part

2009-04-22T13:10:00.001-03:00

Part of my spring cleaning was to clean up my blog, and I must say ..

I am loving it. It is 3 column now (wow, that was a headache) and simple and clean looking. I am trying to limit the buttons on it, because I hate the cluttered look.

Anyways, not much to post about right now, but I do want to let you in on some things. I do have another blog, that I currently "hired" on (for a lack of a better work) co-writers, who are great friends of mine on the For Tuesday blog. So make sure you check it out.

Then there is my Review blog, which I plan on cleaning up as well. An perhaps a new title. lol.

Anyways, hopefully I will be back tomorrow for writers workshop. :)

Designs

2009-04-21T10:45:00.000-03:00

I'm working on changing a few things up here so it doesn't look so cluttered. Did you notice the 3 column? lol

Until I am done I won't be posting much.

PS - Miss Jay from Halftime Lessons posts already. :(

Writers Workshop

2009-04-16T12:23:00.002-03:00

The Prompts:

1.) If I sent you four hundred dollars today what is ONE thing you would spend it on and why. ps I want my change.

2.) What are your kids talking about?

3.) Tell us about a local news story that's all the buzz right now in your neck of the woods.

4.) Share some blogging advice.

5.) Tell us about that time at the playground when that thing happened.

I'm a liking number 2.

Of course, since my kids don't talk, I am going to pretend that they are talking about why I haven't posted my Easter pics yet. So here ya go:

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Wow a whole week, and a Tuesday's Tribute

2009-04-14T08:32:00.003-03:00

Wow ... a whole flippin week went by and I didn't post anything. Crazy! I've been in a blogging funk I think.

Don't forget to enter my giveaway here. Also, for every time you comment on my posts until Friday, you gain on extra entry (1 comment max.)

Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.

Okay, Tuesday's tribute. Jay is encouraging us to be a little angry at someone today ... and I have to say ... I AM ALL OVER THAT!

As of this moment, I am angry with ...Yeah, that's right FOX. I'm pointing at you. Why? Well ... do you see this couple?
Such a lovely couple. Young, early twenties. Energetic (sometimes). Have 2 wonderful kids.

And you are going to break them up.
How?

You are ACTUALLY considering taking away the one show that we watch TOGETHER! The 1 hour we sit down in blissful quiet, and watch a tv show together, and you might just rip it away from us.

Oh yes FOX, I am angry.

What show are we talking about? Well ... possibly one of the best shows I have ever seen on TV, and you would never expect me, a girl who loves her Greys Anatomy, and Private Practice, to like,NO ... love obsessively ...
Yes. The Sarah Connor Chronicles. What a kick ass show. Every week Ryan and me sit together, in anticipation, to see what happenes.

You see, we don't have babysitters, and we don't like to burden my parents with babysitting. So our date nights are always at home after the kids are in bed. Order some pizza ... play some board games ... and watch Terminator!

Fox ... if you cancel this show ... it is very possible that Ryan and me will break up. With nothing to do on our date nights, how will we ever connect? I mean, watching The Connors, and lets face it, one kick ass terminator makes our nights! Our weeks really.

The show won't be on, and all we will have to do is play those board games. Things will get rather tense when playing Monopoly.

He will buy hotels for all of his spaces.

I will land on them.

I go bankrupt and lose.

And this will happen.

Then this ...

Think about it long and hard Fox. Do you really want to end this?

So Fox news, I point my finger at you. Take back the future. Save us from impending DOOM!

My tribute this week is to bunnies everywhere

2009-04-07T11:13:00.006-03:00

Have you entered my sweet giveaway! Click here to enter! or comment on this post for just 1 entry!

Yet Another Jay and Deb Production.

This Tuesday's Tribute, is to this:
Yes, THAT is RIGHT! the EASTER bunny! And not just ANY Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny that sits in the mall. That makes any retail expericence with our kids so much better.

Thank you so much dearest Easter Bunny, for scaring the shit out of children ages 5 and under.

For giving them nightmares that the Easter bunny will come and get them in the night.

So what if you have a mini chocolate egg? If I was a kid, no amount of chocolate would lure me to those evil looking eyes, and big teeth.

Plus, the price you charge for pictures is CRAZY. Yup, I want to spend $15 for ONE picture of my kids screaming and being pinned down onto your lap.

So I tribute you, all the bunnies that brave the malls, that put on a "smile" while holding the screaming toddler, so that us parents can have another magical memory.

And Mr. Easter Bunny, I felt bad for you last night. No one was standing in line to see you, and you were looking kinda lonely. All slumped over in your chair. I almost considered putting by overtired kids on your lap for one of those wonderful pictures ... but alas, I don't need another magical memory of my kids screaming bloody murder, or need another reason to wake up in the night trying to calm down a kid from a nightmare of the bunny chasing after them.

So, dear bunny, I say goodbye to you, for another year. And again, thank you for all you do.

It's Baby Picture Sunday!

2009-04-05T10:17:00.004-03:00

Have you entered my sweet giveaway! Click here to enter! or comment on this post for just 1 entry!

It is time for Baby Picture Sundays. Them theme this week is creative.

I have to get this out there ... I don't have photoshop.

I want it, but don't know where to find it. Any advice?

Anyways, so I chose a picture that was edited by my friend Debi way long ago (ACTUALLY, this is her meme that I am doing right now.)

So here it is!
Thanks Debi, and can't wait to play along next week!

-Alisha

Writers Workshop, PFPC, and my first giveaway

2009-04-02T12:14:00.004-03:00

Hey all!

First, before I do my Thursday Writers Workshop, I have to do this! The first monthly Pounds for Pediatric research weigh in, and how much will be donated. I will start off with me, and whoever else is involved, comment on this post (or email me at mommyoftwins2006@gmail.com) and I will update you on the list. :) I pledged for every pound I lost, I would donate $2 to the Tuesday Fiona Whitt Foundation. Well...

I lost 9 pounds, in 1 month. Which calculates to 18 buck a roos! I am so excited, and can't wait to see what I pull off this month! Anyways ladies, please send me your monthly losses. :)

OKay, and here is my writers workshop, hosted by the always lovely Mama Kat

The Prompts:

1.) Why did you do it?

2.) What is a common misconception about you?

3.) Describe a moment when you felt afraid.

4.) In what ways are you turning into your mother?

5.) Are you always right?

It is really hard to choose this week. Really, because, what the hell am I going to write about? I considered just passing this week, but they wouldn't call it a workshop if it was easy EVERY week. So, I guess I will go with ... frig ... well, mama kat, I don't know why I am doing it, but I am doing my first giveaway, since this post is my 100th post.

More to celebrate the fact that I kept up one of these things. Plus, I just want to give someone ... something. I had a lot of fun at the SITS spring fling. Tons of giveaways. Sadly, I didn't win anything. I NEVER win anything. It's my lot in life, afterall. haha. I'm not being sour, I swear! My giveaway is small. Nothing too fancy ... no diamonds on my blog, no sir ee. Instead, I will be giving away some of my favorite hygenic products.

I live in the maritmes of Canada. For those of you who don't know, the maritimes are on the East Coast of Canada, consisting of 3 provinces, Nova Scotia, New Brunsick, and Prince Edward Island. The weather here is VERY dramatic! With 6 months of harsh cold and snowy winter, 2 months of spring, fall, and a very hot and sticky summer, my skin hardly has time to get used to the climate changes. I tend to be dry and itchy as the seasons change, which is why I use Dove Products. So for my first giveaway, I will give away Dove shampoo and conditioner set, body wash (or the bar soap, your choice), deodorent, and, body mist. And best of all, it will be from their new "Go Fresh" Lines.The giveaway ends in 2 weeks, let's say, Friday, April 17th. For everything you do you can put in one big comment. I hate it when you have to do it seperately.

1. Comment - For every comment you post from now, until April 16th, that is one entry, 1 comment per post is maximum. If you post 2 comments in one post, only 1 will be counted.
2. Follow my blog. It's an ego thing. - 1 entry
3. There's bolded text in this post. Tell me what movie it is from. If you tell me who says it, you get an extra entry - 1 entry+1
4. Blog about it, make sure you post a link so I can check, or it doesn't count - 2 entries
5. Give me a great fund raising idea to raise money for neuroblastoma research - 3 entries
6. For 10 whole entries, donate to the Tuesday Whitt Memorial Fund, by either buying a Tuesday product, or simply join iGive.com, a great way to shop online at your favorite stores, and have a certain percentage donated to the charity. When you sign up, make sure you add the Tuesday Whitt Memorial Fund as your charity of choice (money goes to pediatric research) If you do this, tell me what you bought on the Tuesday site, your username/name for iGive, and once it is confirmed you get your 10 entries. If you do both, you get 15 entries!

Anyways, sorry to make you jump through hoops, but I am using my own money to do the giveaway (no donations from Dove!) and I am letting you choose which go fresh scent you want!

Have fun!

My Very First Tuesday's Tribute

2009-03-31T11:29:00.004-03:00

This is my first Tuesday's Tribute. So bear with me. :)

A Jay and Deb Production.
For my first Tuesday's tribute, I could tribute my daughters, or my wonderful fiancee, but this Tuesday, I won't. Today I tribute .....

Neonatal Intensive Care Nurses.
These people are truly gifts from above for people like my daughters, and to us. If it wasn't for these people, by girls would not be alive today. Whenever their alarms went off, the nurses were there to make sure they started breathing again, and if they didn't, they helped them. The nurses made sure that the girls got all their feedings, and made sure the tube that went down their noses to feed them didn't get kinked.

They made sure that Ryan and me, who were new to parenting (I was 18 at the time), were able to change their diapers correctly in the isolette (much harder then you think), how to touch a preemie without overstimulating, and taught us to kangaroo care, which was my favorite part of the day.

I tribute the nurses who go out of their way not only to save childrens lives, but make it their duties to be friends with the parents, and make the scary place of the NICU more comfortable. These nurses made my day on most days, and gave me a light in my life when everything was dark from post partum depression. For 2 months I sat next to their isolette, sometimes for 18 hours a day, and these nurses, my daughters, were the only interaction I had, except for the few visitors, and Ryan in the evening. I still them, shopping, ect ... and they still remember my girls and me.

So my Tuesday's tribute goes to Neonatal Intensive Care Nurses everywhere. You all saved my daughters lives, and millions others everywhere. Thank you.

**Make sure you come back for my 100th post giveaway! (Today's post is my 99th post!)

Baby Picture Sunday

2009-03-29T12:02:00.003-03:00

Thanks to Debi, I have a reason to thumb through many, MANY baby pictures. For a post. The whole point of Baby Picture Sunday is to find a baby picture that resembles the theme chosen for the week. This week, the theme is spring. So I will travel back to March, 2007, and post 2 pictures of my babies (holy they have grown)

Now for a little family update:

Clara: Clara has been doing well. Very "talkative", and by that, I mean she is babbling a lot. No new words as of yet. She is very active. She is constantly pulling the cushions of my couch to jump/slide down them, and jumping on my couch. She has been dancing a lot lately. Actually, she pulled this spring dress out of a box (It is for a 12 mon old) and she is obsessed! She is always wanting to wear that dress now. It is probably mid thigh on her now, but she loves it! Actually, the other night, I put on a nice dress for her and we were going to the mall. She INSISTED on wearing that dress as well. I ended up having to fold it so it looked like a tutu over her dress. She looked ridiculous, but she loved it. I wish I got a picture, but my camera is MIA. Again. :S Clara is also working on her flipping. She is constantly is an upside down V, and "standing" on her head. haha. She has managed it a couple of times.

Chloe: Has also been doing well as well. Very "talkative" as well. She is also very active, dancing, pulling couch cushions off, and she has finally learned to jump up off the floor. She is loving every moment of it! All we have to say is jump, and there she goes, jumping with a big smile and some giggles for us. It is so darn cute! She is also obsessed with that damn dress! lol. I think they are missing the warm weather, like me. She has also learned how to help mommy in the kitchen. She loves to "help" me do the dishes. I let her stand on a chair next to me and she plays with the bubbles. When I am filling the dishwasher, she will pass me cups, plates, and utencils so I can put them in. Lately, she will grab her plate and fork off her high chair, dump the food left behind in the garbage (even uses her fork to do so), and then passes me the plate and fork so I can wash it. So flippin cute!

They both will be getting evaluated for autism, but seriously, in my heart of hearts, I do not think they are. They are just behind in speech.

Ryan is sick. And when he is sick, he is SICK! Fevers, cough, sore throat, shivers, complaining ... wish me luck! lol.

I am doing okay. Still working at Wally world, but they changed my position which makes me happier. I am looking into getting my GED this year, and hopefully higher education, so we will see how that all goes. Just drifting through the early days of spring pretty much, hoping it warms up. Did I mention we are getting ice pellets and snow tomorrow? UGH!

Anyways, hope you enjoyed the baby pictures and update!